Speak Out Of labyrinth

2012-01-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

उम्मीद की गठरी को आज भी

मेरा दिल संभाले रखा है /

नादान है जो उस उमीद पे अटका पडा है

हर रोज यही सोचता है

शायद मेरी सुबह आज आएगी

उसकी एक पैगाम लाएगी /

नादान दिल मेरा वहीँ अटका पडा है/

फ़ोन की हर घंटी पे वही सोचता है

शायद ये घंटी उसी की होगी

दुसरे आवाज शायद उसी की होगी /

नादान दिल मेरा उमीद लगाये

बस उसी का इंतजार करता है

नादान है ये, नासमज है

बस उसी से मोहब्बत किये जाता है

इसी उमीद में जिए जाता है

वो सुबह जरुर होगी

जब वो मेरे साथ मेरे बाहों में होगी /

बेरुखी

2011-12-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

आज बेरुखी ऐसी हुई कि

लब्जो ने भी साथ ना दिया

ऐसी भी क्या खता हुई

की सिहाई ने भी मेरी

खाली पन्नो को रंगने से नकार दिया

एक शब्दों का ही साथ था इस

बेखुदी में, आज उसने भी धुत्कार दिया

पन्ने ही तो थे जिनसे मै कहा करता था

तनहाई में अपनी गुफतगुह किया करता था

पर जाने क्या खता हुई

की उसने भी हमे सुनने से इंकार कर दिया

जाने क्या खता हुई हमसे

तेरी यादें ना होती

2011-10-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

तु ना होती यादों में,

तो इन तनहाईयों को

ये सिसकियाँ कौन दे जाता

घंटो खोयें से इन रातों को

आवाज कौन देता/

तेरी तस्वीरों से इतनी

मोहब्बत कौन करता/

मेरे सूखे रुमालों को

इन बुंदों कि भेंट कौन देता

इन ख्वाहिशों को,

जामों से मै अकेले ना पीता

तेरी यादें ना होती

तो इन खाली पन्नो को

सिहाई के रंगों से कौन रंगता

बेचैन शामों में किसकी

आवाज का इंतजार होता/

तेरी यादों कि वफाई ना होती,

तो यूँ गुमनाम सायर ना होता/

Pardon me for all the spelling mistakes.

ऐ दिल तु क्या कहता है

2011-07-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

ऐ दिल तु क्या कहता है,

तु किन यादों में आँखों को नम करता है/

कुछ पल थे वो जो बीत गए ,

वो पल थे जो तुने जि लिए/

अब क्यों तु उनको दोहराता है,

क्यों तु आँखों को नम करता है/

ख्वाबों की एक नरम चादर जैसी ,

रातो को जो नींदे दे जाती

करवटों में मुस्कुराहट ले आती

वो लम्हों की अनोखी बारिश जैसी ,

बीते पलों की एक गठरी थी ,

ऐ दिल वो तेरी बीत गयी एक ख्वायिश थी

लेखन: अंकेश साहा/

Pertinent Questions!!!

2011-06-26T23:07:00.001-07:00

For the last two to three months we are witnessing a highly debated political scenario. Anti Corruption Movement (ACM) has swayed the nation, especially the educated youth against the corrupt practices of the Government, the recent success of ACM has largely been for the participation of the educated youth. Fed up of the corruption by these democratically elected ministers [dictators], we participated in the protest against GOI lead by Anna Hazare and accepted Anna as our leader. As the initial euphoria is settling down and the mystery of ACM is unraveling post the formation of the civil society committee, there are few pertinent questions that I am looking for an answer to. I asked myself, what will happen to Anna and teams of good honest men [self appointed], once they fade away in the course of time? Who would be our next self appointed good men? Will there be another committee appointed by the erstwhile good men’s assessment? Will the assessment be fair or out of cronyism? Or will we fall prey to the highly self cherished wisdom of these good men [as the communist, whose wisdom has arrested the Bengal and its youth’s growth]? Will these good men’s decision decide our future? By chance if the new appointed good men follow the path of the government, do we have to follow another team of good men to overhaul the erstwhile good men?

I don’t know if my question has answers or I am conjecturing in the coziness of my mind. Whatever would be the case these questions do have some sagacity and we as the largest community “the youth” of this country deserves an answer. The good old generation might think of us as immature and restless but we are the future and ours is the future that is at stake and we under no circumstances are going to accept things with our hands on the lips. Since we are the largest stock holders of this country and we are the ones shaping it with our honest efforts in our respective fields we deserve to ask question where everything of our future is concern. I am against corruption and I don’t want any gimmick by any self appointed leaders, I appreciate the effort of those who are putting hard effort to banish corruption but I request them not to arrest our rights in future and please don’t underestimate the intellect of today’s youth.

Dwelling of Saturday mind!!!

2011-06-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

Woke up without the most annoying and inevitable sound of my phone alarm. Aah it is Saturday, most cherished morning of the week, though the heavy head and tiring feeling clogged the morning freshness. As promised to myself, I followed my routing of morning yoga. Once finished with yoga, I felt relieved, and heaviness was gone. I felt fresh to enjoy my Saturday, was excited to go to ALMA [my theater rehearsal place], suddenly I remembered it was an off day at ALMA, no rehearsal. God that is terrifying, what will I do the whole day, I felt depressed. Lately I don’t enjoy company of people around me; I fill lost, disconnected with them. I started looking for option to spend my day, after wondering for few minutes I turn on my idiot box which is more annoying than entertaining, its sympathetic reality shows which force you to empathize with sorry story and state of its contestant. After switching through different channels and helping my mind to tire even more I turned to my laptop. I wasn’t that keen on connecting with the world through “facebook “, I checked few notifications and logged off quickly. Finding nothing to hang on with, I turned to “Friends” series [I started watching friends last week and it has been my daily dose of entertainment for the last week], my savior. I fixed my eyes on the laptop screen, watching episode after episode, enjoying the series, sometimes even forcing myself to enjoy it, as nothing else which could entertain me, crossed my mind. Watching Rachel and Ross romancing, split thoughts crossed my mind, I too wanted to be with my special Her, I too wanted romance with her, to kiss her, to caress her. Sadly that still is a distant sweet imagination. Hours passed by and my tired mind wandered for an alternative of the soap. I looked around, found my book that I am reading, picked that up, flipped the pages, and fixed my eyes to the paragraph I was reading last. Concentration was the last thing that the boredom of my mind allowed me to reach. I don’t want to disrespect the writer of the book by not reading his book with attention; I decided to adjust the book mark and closed the book. The wandering of nothing to do, scanning numbers in my phone book, do not help my boredom to banish. Enough was enough I can’t waste my Saturday wandering and tiring in my room, getting bored. I decided to roam outside. Sadly Bangalore doesn’t have places to wander around, and finally I landed up in a city mall, least crowed among all glitzy ones. Searching through different brand store, trialing few clothes, moving from one floor to another, I was as clueless as 30 minutes before when I had entered the mall. Nothing helped me and I ended up at the food transit, went to eat pav bhajji but ordered chole bature, I was even unsure what to eat. Once finished with my batura , I stilled wondered what to do, I ordered one cold coffee and sat in a corner on a high chair, from this high revolving chair I could glance down to stores. Suddenly the world was so colorful. Couples holding their hands, Children playing with their parents, jumping around in the game zones, mothers caring her child, Father s staring at the naughty ones. It all seemed full of life, it wasn’t boring as much, I thought, I got my smile on my face, Jumped out of the chair and strolled towards my favourite place in that mall, Crossword book shop. Scanning through shelves, I was not sure what books I was looking for. As happens often I gifted myself four books from Indian writers section. I can’t resist books, I bought two Bengali novels English translation, One by Sankar, and other of Satyajit Ray. I wasn’t satisfied with my states literature only; I bought one Punjabi writer’s English Novel and One Assamese writer’s story book, hoping I would get some more insight into the mind of these two mostly unknown cultures to me. Once those books were in my hand I felt as if my friend are with me, I love my books, they talk to me honestly and allows me to be judgmental of them, to argue with them, to ponder on them as they know how much I love them. With some sense of sanity, charm returned to me I walked downstairs, wandering with thoughts in the coziness of my restless mind. Here this is, Bangalore weather again played with me, it was raining cats and dog, I could not step out of the mall. I sat on one of the concrete shelf, surrounded by other people of all ages, with different emotion on their faces; all of them seem lost either in their group or within the compulsion of not being able to leave the mall. I was one among them, I open Satyajit Ray’s book, reading introduction of the translator who happens to be his wife, I was inquisitive as if I wanted to ask the translator many question but as it was she was answering my question as she pleased in her introduction of the book. Restless I was, I checked if the rain stopped, in between shifting the paragraphs, and I saw two beautiful ladies playing with their hair, they looked so beautiful; I smiled and kept looking at them for few seconds. Conscious of myself and to not to make a fool of myself, I forced my neck to bend and looked into the book again. It is hard to resist rare beautiful faces in the crowd and after few minutes I looked up again to find them not there, it was disappointing but to my happiness the rain had stopped. I gather few breathe and folding my book came out of the mall. I felt like walking in the lovely post rain, cloudy evening. Gentle cold breeze blew around my ear; it relaxed me and made the evening pleasant. Sadly the inefficient government road construction jolted my walking mood. It was flooded outside the mall, rain water and the drainage water flooded the road, this is what a 30 minute rain can do in our very own silicon valley. My, self grown sophistication apprehended me to step into the dirty water and the wave that the moving vehicles were generating on the flooded road. I cursed the government for few minutes. Suddenly the child in me asked and cajoled me to step into the dirty water, I recalled how much I use to enjoy with friends in the rainy season, I loved it when large trucks generated those waves on the flooded roads, how we use to wait on the side of the road to see trucks coming and running beyond the waters when they came closer. It was great fun then, all these thoughts made me step into the water, my jeans was almost drenched till the knee, the buses generated the waves once again, the dirty water went up till my knees, and many thoughts crossed my mind as I walked ahead on the flooded road. Suddenly I was kicking the water with joy, For the time being I felt off loaded of the sophisticated burden, I felt happiness, I recalled times doing nonsense stuff with friends, I recalled those endless discussion in our hostel rooms, I recalled those cursing the system and the vows to bring a change, I recalled a life well enjoyed and I walked ahead in this drenched Saturday humming songs. As I walked, I was careless of the world around me. I was enjoying myself, the cool breeze, the walk, it was all fun and it felt as if a romantic evening. I thought of special her, I thought of her beautiful face, I imagined being with my beautiful imagination of her. I hold her hand and walked with her, the light rain drops sprinkled from the sky as I walked ahead with Joy. I walked the happiness along with my happy imagination on this lovely Saturday evening. I thank her for being with me and I thank this day for coming for me.

बंद बक्से में दबे लम्हें

2011-04-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

बंद आँखों के अन्धयारो में

कुछ लम्हों के तोफें

सजाये थे मैंने

उन हसीन पलो को एक

बक्से में कैद कर

देना चाहा था मैंने

मेरे कुछ दबे ख्यालों

को बुनकर देना चाहा था मैंने

मेरे उन मचले ख्यालों को

पिरोया था उन बंद लिफाफों में

कुछ खुद के लिखे बोलो

को लिखा था, उन पन्नो में

दबे ख्वायिसों के तस्वीरों

को देना चाहा था मैंने

तेरे साथ बुने लम्हों को

बंद उन बक्सों में रखा था मैंने

तुझे तोफे में उन बक्सों

को देना चाहा था मैंने ,

इन लम्हों को अकेले

सजाया था मैंने

Common Man.... Are we the one?

2011-01-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

Happy republic Day... Am I, or shall I say we, happy, confident and optimistic enough to say the phrase

" happy Republic day" amidst the present socio, political, religious and economic crisis that our GREAT nation is witnessing where politics and bureaucracy are having rendezvous with corruption that is leading the nervous system of the nation to its nadir. This is very wider and nationalistic question that we all are asking and shouting our lungs out to get an answer from whom, is very vague as we are clueless of the fact that we are asking to nobody. Today, instead of, asking this bigger question I am going to be selfish and I want to question the tag "Common Man" that has been labeled to me or us.

What is it means to be a common man? Is it means to listen, follow, give in, not question, raise our hand unintentionally and vote for the rules, policy and dictate pronounced by the institutions which are supposed to be meant for us and by us? Is it means that we follow or build our thoughts based on the few elitist educated gentlemen or gentlewomen, labeled intellectuals by self proclaimed intellectual community? Is it means to return back from the offices built for us without getting access to what is for us and without having the right to argue or fight for? Is it means to accept this democratic atrocity of the system, created, run and enjoyed by few self proclaimed leaders who are born among us and who start as the "Saviour, the voice of the oppressed" and who transform among oppressor? Is it means to get to read the distorted facts or is it also means that we don't have the right to know who stashed away my hard earn money in some bank?

If it is all about the above, I am afraid, it , common man, is the opportunist and escapist in us who take turns suited to his greed to survive, not to question and the greed to rule. We are hiding under vast umbrella of facade that the tag ,common man, present to us to disguise and deviate. It's the tag we all enjoy to shy away from our rights as a human being to suit the system designed to be ruled by the few in which we take the turn to be ruled and to rule. I ,myself, question the tag and the attributes that come along with the common man and i refuse to be one who is questioning the sagacity of the tag. I consider and believe myself to the one who is only entitled to be ruled by himself and not by the system.

I leave the board open for thoughts and ask for your views...

ये साली ज़िन्दगी!!!

2011-01-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

जितनी समेटने की कोसिस की

उतनी बिखरती गई, ये साली ज़िन्दगी,

रेत की तरह मुट्ठी से फिसलती चली गई/

यादों को जब पिरोने की कोसिस की

तो बुँदे बनके बेह गयी,

ये साली ज़िन्दगी आगे निकल गयी,

बुँदे जो सुख गई तो मुस्कुराते हुए

उन्हें पीछे छोड़ चल दी

ये साली बेरहम ज़िन्दगी फिर आगे निकल गयी/

हर मोड़ पे यादों के पन्नो पे

कुछ किरदार जुड़ गए, और

कई अधुरी कहानी लिख गई,

कुछ हसीन मंजिलो और सपनो कि,

तो कुछ उन पीछे छुट गए रास्तो कि,

अन कही कहानी लिख गई,

ये साली ज़िन्दगी फिर आगे निकल गई/

रुक के आज देखा तो एहसास हुआ,

हमें कही दुर पीछे छोड़,

ये साली ज़िन्दगी बहुत आगे निकल गई/

खाली सा है दिल!!!

2010-11-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

खाली सा है दिल,

बड़ा शांत बैठा है

कुछ करना चाहता है,

पर अकेलेपन का मारा है

खाली सा है दिल

किसी से गुफ्तगुह करना चाहता है,

किसी के साथ खिलखिलाना चाहता है,

किसी से कहना चाहता है,

किसी को सुनना चाहता है

खाली सा है दिल,

बड़ा शांत बैठा है/

झुमना चाहता है,

वो उड़ना चाहता है,

वो किसी के साथ मचलना चाहता है,

मेरा खाली सा दिल

भी जीना चाहता है/

शाम की छाव में

वो भी मुसकुराना चाहता है,

चाँद को देख मदहोश होना चाहता है,

मेरा खाली सा दिल

भी जीना चाहता है///

(I apologize for my spelling mistakes, if any, as it has been long since I used hindi for writing except my odd few lines on the blog.)

वो खोया सा "मै"

2010-11-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

खोया सा महसूस होता है,

डर भी बहुत लगता है,

आज उन पहचानी आँखों के बीच

"मै" सहमा सा अनजान रहता है,

क्या जाने ऐसा क्यों लगता है,

क्या "मै" को दिखावे से डर लगता है,

वो गुम होने से क्यों आज डरता है,

क्यों जानने वालो के बीच, वो

अनजान बना घुमा करता है/

आलम ऐसा है, वो

वो अनजानी आँखों की भीड़ में, "मै" होता है,

बिना नकाब के वो ,

बेखबर, मदमस्त "मै" होता है /

वो न किसी की ओर देखता है

न किसी की नजर से वो सहमता है,

ना जाने इन अनजानों के बीच

खुद को क्यों प् लेता है/

वो बस और बस "मै" होता है

बंगलोरे के पथ पर तोड़ती पत्थर

2010-08-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

I had boarded volvo bus for office as usual and the bus stopped at a traffic signal. Nothing was different that morning, it was routine as usual and i was staring out of the window but what I saw was more common and usual than I can imagine. I saw a lady labor standing beside a tree, looking all around her as if she was counting the staring eyes at her. She waited for few minutes till she realized there were minimum voyeuristic eyes on her. She sat down beside the tree doing her best to cover her "इज्जत" under the the 6 meter cloth, she bend her neck down to make herself believe the illusion that no eyes were on her and did what she should have done in closed walls in a better world of her.

it's not just that she didn't have the access to the basic necessity but it's is a mock on the society, the nation and the so called economically thriving India. And it is even more shameful in the city which is supposed to be India's answer to the world's best technologically sound cities and in a state in which, few months back, the entire cabinet was making all the noise for the investment that they have attracted. Watching her devoid of the basic humanity, images of a poem "तोड़ती पत्थर" written by our renowned Hindi poet Nirala filmed in front of eyes as if mocking me. He had penned that poem, highlighting the abjection a lady labor go through everyday, ages back when India did not even knew what economic success means, since then we have come long ahead but few things are as it was way back then.

Who is responsible and what should be done? if we again start this cliche debate it would be biggest loss of our morality. So who all are in a position to do something, please take a step forward and do something. I am not asking anyone to start a revolution just do what least you can do that would be a great achievement.

कहनी थी कुछ बाते उनसे/

2010-07-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

कहनी थी कुछ बाते उनसे/

बड़े दिनों से बुन रहा था जिन लम्हों को,

कहना था उनसे /

एक कसमकस थी जरुर मुझ्मे,

क्या यही है वो या एक और छलावा है,

कसमकस के इस जाल से निकलना था मुझको'

कुछ कहना था उनसे मुझको/

सोचो तो सिर्फ बाते थी,

और लम्हों पर बने हवाई महल थे,

पर कहना तो फिर भी जरुरी था/

कुछ तो था जो रुका था अभी तक मै,

शायद ये खुद से अनजान होने की भूल थी ,

या खुद को भरोसा दिनाले की नाकामी,

जो भी था पर कहना जरुरी था उनसे/

क्यों हुआ, कैसे हुआ, या किसी की नामंजूरी थी /

कहने में क्यों जो देर हुई,

जो सुनने वाला ही न रहा.

या फिर शायद

ये बाते होनी ही नहीं थी,

उन लम्हों को जुबान पे नहीं , शायद

किसी अनजान यादो की जरुरत थी

A smaal story y should not ask a gal for advise

2010-06-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

All d charecter in this story are true and observed by me.

In the Bus returning from office.

Boy: I won the 3 prizes in the conference. And got a ipod as a prize beside other prizes.

Girl: congos. I told u na, u will win.(jubilant)

Boy: (giggle) thanks.Hey I was thinking that I give the ipod to my partner (typical boy, to impress, showing his sharing gesture, idiots).

Gal: No Y should u give your won prize to ur partner (mark d gals word). U are d one who put d effort. Ur idea, ur paper wrk. U r d one who deserve it.

Boy: Ya I know it was my effort but d he(partner) was my co author even though for namsake. Beside he designed d posters n stickers. Had help me in presentation as well. ( boy is despertly trying to convice d gal and show his generosity towards his partner)

Gal: I insists. U will not share ur deserved prize. hanahaan( sound dat gal generally make to sho her heplesss ness) plz plz u won't

Boy: but I need to share na.. u understand for d frienship shake.. ( holding har shoulder) plz plz understan na...

Gal: ( the bramastra) Ya I know I know, y will u listen to who m I for u.. friend is more importnat for na.. I know I know... turns her head and looking down showing her helplessness.

Boy: ok baba I won't, but pl don't say dis again U know I love you na.. plz

Moral of the story: jaha ladki se puchne ki galti karoge paka dosti barwad ho jayegi.. :P :)

तु होती तो

2010-05-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

तु होती तो,

कुछ गुफतगुह होती /

इस अकेले की'

तु हमराह होती /

तु होती तो,

तेरे होने का सुकुन होता,

एक मीठा एहसास होता /

तु होती तो,

कुछ गुफतगुह होती /

अनजान, सुनसान मन के,

गलियारों में अजीब सी मौज होती /

तु होती तो,

इन दबे खयालों को,

किसी और की जरुरत न होती /

तु होती तो,

इस रूह की हमसफ़र होती /

तु होती तो,

एक नजरिया और होता,

तु होती तो,

मंजिलो की और राहे होती /

तु होती तो,

ऐसा होता, वैसा होता,

पर कभी लगता है,

तु होती तो,

क्या तेरे होने की इतनी चाह होती ?

I am Sorry!

2010-02-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

I am Sorry!

I have not been good to you,

For not being the better Son,

I am sorry!

I am a selfish again,

I am sorry!

I am not been the better Son,

I am sorry,

I am the selfish Son again,

I am sorry!

I know you deserve better,

I know you deserve happiness,

I am sorry!

To take away that happiness from you,

I am sorry!

For not being the better Son again,

I am sorry!

For all the sacrifice you did for me,

I am sorry!

For what I am,

I know I have not been the better Son again,

I am Sorry!

For the pain you are going through,

I am Sorry for being Selfish again,

I am sorry!

For what I am,

I know I could have been the better Son,

I know, I have screwed it once again,

I am sorry for being Selfish again,

I know how much love me,

I know how you care for me,

I am sorry for everything, once again

I am sorry for being Selfish again 

I really want to go to them and put my head down to them and say sorry, but I can't, I don't have the guts to say sorry. I am bit sacred, may be they will love me even more and that love scares me, I don't deserve it. I am scared, I might be selfish once again.

तेरे होने क़ी वजह क्या है ?

2010-01-31T02:47:00.000-08:00

तू कौन है ,

तू है क्यों ?

तेरे होने क़ी वजह क्या है ?

तू चिक्ख़ता क्यों है ?

क्यों जकड़ा हुआ है तू ?

तेरे होने क़ी वजह क्या है ?

क्यों पागलो की

तरह बेचैन है तू ?

क्यों कभी खुद पे और

कभी दुसरो पे हँस क्यों रहा है तू ?

तेरे होने क़ी वजह क्या है ?

कभी नउम्मीद और

कभी उम्मीद की पोटली,

क्यों है तू ?

क्यों सोया नहीं तू ,

क्यों बेचैन करवटे बदलता है तू ?

किस खोज में है तू ,

जब माया को जानता है तू ?

क्यों भीड़ से अलग है तू,

पर भीड़ के साथ होने की

चाह रखता है तू ?

क्या रूह है तू मेरी ?

कभी सोचा है , आखिर

तेरे होने क़ी वजह क्या है ?

लेखन: अंकेश साहा,

Local Train at Delhi a complete no... / Pandit ji in Metro :)

2010-01-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

More I am trying to do things right, trying for a better way, it's getting more complex and worse...

This is exactly what happened again, today... I went to okhala industrial estate in delhi. it's around 2 hour travel from my place and take around one and half hour in bus from Pragati maidan to the estate (traffic... my god where do people get so much money to buy cars ).When I decided to come back from the estate, I inquired for any possible alternate way to reach my place where I can avoid that honking traffic... To my surprise I found that there is near by railway station for local train. From there it will take 20 minutes to reach New Delhi station and I can catch the metro from there on to reach my place within one hour, otherwise it will take 2 hours ...and no more mad honking in the crawling traffic... I was delighted as I have enough experience in Kolkata to travel by Local trains and which is very convenient travel saves time as well... When I reach the Railway station at okhala it was 2:00 pm in my watch. I bought the ticket by standing in the queue dutifully... but I realize no buddy cares for the queue and for my surprise no one opposes if someone outside the queue comes and by the ticket.. Strange ... I urge anyone habituated to jump queue at delhi, please don't try this in Kolkata... you will risk your life if you want to break the queue... don’t believe me try once... :)... I was told, train is schedule to come at 2:30 pm... Ok very good... I will wait... all the seats were occupied on the platform ... so I had to stand and wait... I waited, waited and waited... My legs were trembling.. I could not stand any more... thankfully train came at 3:45.. I breathed some shy of relief... Entered the train... I saw very few heads in the compartment of the train.. I felt more relieved, now I can get a seat to relax after standing for so long... So I inched forward towards the seat... More surprise was waiting for me... Ladies (suppressed gender in our country : P) had made a temporary bed out of the seat, few completely stretched their body, few had stretched legs and some other posture... no place to seat... Again standing... God please help me... Thanks to a boy... a man actualy he walked to the gate and was enjoying the fresh air and left a seat vacant for me... ahhh I got a place to seat after 2 hours... Still waited for the train to zoom away from the station.... It took 45 minutes to blow the first whistle by the train.. I never felt so delighted to hear the train blowing the horn... It was 4:30 pm, train started... Hail Railways, thanks to God, meanwhile, a beautiful girl in blue jeans, violet tees and white jacket boarded the train and sat opposite me... This was the only good thing happened to me in whole day... and now I wanted the train to be delayed... lekin bhagwan ko kuch aur hi manjor tha... train reached the next station within 5 minutes and she deboarded the train... :( Worst happened after that, it took another 45 minutes to complete the remaining 15 minute journey... Kisi ne sahi hi kaha hai, jab kismat kharab ho to...:( :(

*******

Pandit Ji in Metro

Crowed Metro... Some how I mange to squeeze my self into the jostling passenger at New Delhi Metro station... Someone asked me beta Chandni chawk station kab aayega... Then I realize a Pandit ji in his dhoti and a long tikki ( ponytail :P :P) was strugling to manage his luggage and was desperte to get down at Chandni Chawak, which appranty two stopage from ND Metro Station... I explaind him.. it took three time repetition to clarify the exact number of stopage.. still he was not sure so he cross verified it with other fellow passenger struggling to find a place to rst his or her feet... So I after he was satisfied by his enquiry... He happily gave all of us a reason to smile... Very honestly he asked some one.... bhaiya itna bhid tha line me ki hum to ticket hi nahi le paye... A amusing shock!!! Every one smiled and asked how the hell he managed to cross the barrier with so much tight security and dodge that computerized verification machine at the metro... But Pandit ji was unperturbed, no sighn of tension... he was innocently smiling.. We all had a pleasant surprise...A ucnle was in mood of masti, he advised him "arre pandit ji thoda aasirwad de dijiyega security wala ko kuch nahi hoga, aaram se nikal jayega..." Pandit replied innocently "nahi bhaiya.. kya hoga jyada se jyada do danda marega na... kha lenge dande..."

I too joined the party and gave an experinced expert advise ( during school days I had surpassed that metro gate at Kolkata many time without ticket with friends .. yappiee :D)

Hope Pandit ji reached his destination safely...

P.S.- Personally, Now, I have to stop thinking to do things in a better way... It's both waste of time and resource (energy).

And for other Don't try Local train in Delhi... It simply sucks..

Being Called "Bihari"

2010-01-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

Even if You are not born in Bihar or Your grandpa has left the state of bihar some 40 years back and you have never ever known which town in bihar your ancestoral home was once upon a time, but still you are a bihari by all means. You can't be a Bengali or Asames, Andhraite or any other "li,es or ite", even though your family has been contributing to society or the state where you are currently residing for past 40 years as much as any "li,es or ite" may or more than any of those so called "li, es or ite". You always have to mention that once upon a time your roots are from bihar and you are a bihari, not the "li, es or ite" of that state. Ahhh to much of melodrama right, but this is what I am or have to say when some one ask me where you belong to. And there is no harm in admiting and no regret to accept the fact that I am a bihari and I said this to each and everyone, who has asked me with my head full of pride. But mind you this confession will bring you some well practiced adjective and features to your profile, that so called civilized society of that particular state or the person asking, has attributed to a bihari. But whats wrong with it? I say no harm... Then why this waste of resource of space and energy for this word called "bihari".

I wanted to write about this being Bihari for a long time but my perception and view about being labeled as Bihari has changed dramaticaly since I have come to Delhi. What was my strong belief of being Bihari, what it meantto the rest of India, has been attacked and belief has been jolted by what this Delhi/NCR people think of Bihari.

I will write or bifurcate my content in two parts a) being Bihari in eastern India and b)being bihari in North

India (Delhi/Ncr)

Part -A

If you live in bengal the special adjective for bihari is "Merdua [and NRB (non reliable biharies)]"- It means someone who don't have manner,s illiterate, rowdy and, raunchy, you have the freedom to ornate this word with any adjective in that sense whcih exemplify a ugly thoughtless, mannerless creature. Ohhh too nasty... But the best part is that every bihari who, whom I know, lives in bengal takes it as an compliment to their status. They have a complete different meaning for that word "Merdua". For us, the bihari, it is an compliment of our bravery and our boldness that we can show off at any time and at any place, no matter where we are, who all are watching us, etc etc. Because nothing bothers us, we are the free spirit and we do things as we please and we care a damm what others think of us. Let me clarify one thing not every bihari take this compliment positively, there are few who takes offence of this as well, poor fellows but they are very few. Hey I didn't belong to the category of those poor moron who take offence of this, I was a proud bihari who took pride in the word till I crossed the hallowed wall of NIT Jamshedpur. Hey, don't blabber like this, anyone from that exceptional moron and forlorn souls can ask me, whether I have any facts to boast our bravery in public with so much authority. I would ask those sophistacted idiots to shut up and enjoy a incidence that I am going to narrate,

" It was at a time when I was returning from tuition in class 12, I was returing home, traveling in the local train. Me and my friends where having usual chatter and fun in our on bihari style, shouting, screaming at each other without caring a damm even though we where blowing others eardrum off. One of our bihari bhai' would be 12 to 13 years of age, standing at the trai's gate, actulay swiveliing around the pole of the gate, performing his pole dancing. So what so amazing about pole dancing to be mentioned here, Hey shut up and just watch the bravery act. Actualy there are concrete pole standing tall beside the railway line to support the web of electric wire and at some palce they are merely 1 feet away from the chasis of the train. And you may even kiss them if you have the guts while the train is running not only kissing it will give you the best possible opportunity to meet our Gods. Come back to the pole dancing act, Now you can understand how brave the fellow bihari bhai was performing his pole dance to seduce the God, may be Indra can give him a chace to perform in the swarg (after all we are in the modern world where pink is not an illegal colour or attitude to be displayed in public, so why bar the Gods, they have equal roghts as well. Poor fellow his dancing was 6 years ago, he was to ahead of his time to get a call from swarg to perform... never mind keep trying you will surely get a call) . Ahhh, that bloddy bengali, so called bhodro( mannered) student. He did not like the pole dancing to be performed by my bihari bhai, actualy he was jealous of him, may be he wanted to be performing in swarg before him. Any ways he broke the temmpo of the pole dancing and the tune of singing. And bluntly told my bhai or requested (bengali can't ask a bihari in commanding voice, right) to stop his pole dancing or he may die and will book a meeting with the God. Ohh God, poor bhodro student... how dare you? Told my bhai... He made that bengali confessed that he has done wrong by interupting him, and threaten him that he will "bhasm" him ( by his 3rd eye) if he again dare to intrupt him. Ahh so brave, isn't he?... Yes he is, And he pull down the curtain on the incident giving a brave speech by saying:
" Sala hum nahi pole se latkenge to kaun latkega... M******d pata kaise chalega ki hum bihari ke baal bacha hai... bangali me dum nahi hota train se latakne ka..."
Poor bhodro fellow, he held his head down in defeat and watched the next performance after a break... cheers mate... I too felt the pride in my heart to be bengali oppss to be bihari.... And I tell you, it's not that we boasted and felt pride of our bravery act only... We have an strong backing of the results of all government exam, irrespective of state or post, we the bihari dominate every sector... ( this one is for not so brave bihari like me who boasted it and helds his head high for this fact). This is one such bravey act I have seen or witness, there are many such bravery act, that has earned us the coveted title of "Mrdua", which I would love to narrate... but sorry time and space both are constraint..

All these years that I lived at home, till college, NIT Jamshedpur, and even till my tenure in hyderabad, I strongly belived that bihari are the most dominate community and the most rowdy-ly brave community in India. Each one of us boast the fact, only one bihari is more than enough to ripped apart asses of 10 other people and we had the capacity to transform harmony into cacophony...

Part-B

When I reached delhi. I was the same brave bihari, but a more mature one with experince of various other city, and being an experienced and due to age I have learnt to keep bihari in me in control and decided to give my Kolkataite a chace to show off.... But poor me I was accompanied by an uncle cum friend, a bihari, he refused to drop down his bihari attitude and roamed around thumping and roaring and stamping the fact that he is a bihari, at every landlord I went to find a flat. I remained slient and let him talk... Result was that many simply refused to rent a flat to us, and denied in a dominating attitude alien to biharies, with disdain attitude towards us. It was realy a jolt for me, That friend of mine tried to force the issue in bihari ways giving all kind of evidence and refernce of highly powerfull goverment official that he knows and what he can do... But to my surprise nothing worked, this could have fetched me a flat at cheaper rate any where in the other cityies that I have visited. But things were different here, every other person in delhi specily the land lords seem to know the Union minister personaly... So this bihari attitude didn't worked in delhi... As the days passed I realized that bihari brave attitude that seemed to work every where does not work in Delhi... Bihari are no more the dominace force out here and their bravery act has taken a back sheet... The Jaat and the haryanwi's are the bihari of Delhi (huge compliment for a Jaat... [:-/] ) Interesting part is that if there is any brawl or a some kind of mishap happens on the street or in the metro., and one of the persson involved try to dominate the other person, most of the Time next person start his fight by the saying:
" arre mere ko bihari samaj ke rakha hai kya... sala kuch bhi bolega kya.. mai bihari nahi hu Delhi se hu ( in typical haryanwi accent)... "
This exactly what happened when two commuter in the metro launched an argument two days ... I smiled at my self at the fact bihari's can't be ignored no matter what is happening and who are involved... :P...

I went into a deja-vu, how the meaning of being bihari has changed from one part of India to other part.... All those past dominating pride that I had being a bihari while staying in eastern part of India has went for a toss...this part of the country being bihari does not means the dominating community but it only symmbolizes the labour class or some one who cheat rent and other stuff...

No offence to any bihari, I can't offened a bihari as I am one myself and a Proud one... This a onepart of the story that I have seen, faced, experienced and living with... But one thing for sure we bihari's need to change to be respected by others... We need amendment in our attitude for the sake of our own improvment and have to stop enjoying the label of being noisome creature... enough of crap Sighning out... [:)]

ये मेरे अघुरे ख्वाब

2009-11-24T10:29:00.000-08:00

कुछ अट-पटे, कुछ अन सुलझे

से ख्वाब है,
उमंग से भरे ये ख्वाब है /

मेरी इस चोटी सी

दुनिया, के सुन्हेरे ख्वाब है /

नाचती, डोलती , झुमते
खयालो के ये ख्वाब है /

मंजिलो को ढुँढती

भटकते ये ख्वाब है /

बचपन की सरलता, और

जवानी के अलड़पन से भरे

झुमते ये ख्वाब है /

अनजान पग़डॅढियो पे,

दौड़ते ये ख्वाब है /

दुर किसी को ढुँढती

बेचैन ये ख्वाब है /

ये ख्वाब है मेरे,

ये मचलते मन के ख्वाब है /

ये मेरे अघुरे ख्वाब है /

लेखन: अंकेश साहा,

नशे में डूबी एक शाम

2009-11-18T10:06:00.000-08:00

ह्सीन शाम हो और

तेरा इंतजार हो, साथ में

शराब की एक जाम हो /

नशे में तेरी मुहब्बत का

एक नशीला ऐहशास हो /

तेरी जुल्फों के अंधेरे में

चांदनी रात हो /

नशे में गुनगुनाती शाम हो

और तेरे आने का इंतजार हो

तेरे आने से वो

पैमाने का हाथ से फिसलना

इस शराबी आशिक

के दिल का मचलना /

वो तेरे आवाज़ की मदहोशी

तेरे जुल्फों की अंगडाई

तेरी नशीली आँखों की बेचैनी

और इस आशिक की बेताबी....

Sunday TOI Editorials

2009-11-08T23:04:00.000-08:00

"Reading newspaper is an addiction, you are addicted to its style, its font, its approach towards an issue and it's hard to switch your newspaper."

The above quote is very true and I have been experiencing it from last 4 years. I started regular newspaper reading in the first year of college, out of compulsion to improve my English and vocabulary. It was more of a burden rather a hobby or interest. My interest in sports particularly cricket given a good reason to go through the each word printed in the sports section of the paper as there was no other option to know what happening in the cricketing circle. The news paper happens to be TOI in my room, from 2nd year onwards I stated reading the Sunday editorial articles on TOI, every Sunday there is an editorial column of Mr. Swaminathan Aiyer. I was enamoured by his writing and develop a liking for his writing. He writes on the subject of economics in a very simple language, even a novice like me could make out something out of his writing. Through his articles I developed a mechanism of thoughts to understand economics and specially how Indian economy works and how different it is from other economies. As I have told you I was not much interested in the writing of other writer's column and I don't remember the name of other journalist contributing to Sunday editorial, But I remember the name(part) of Miss. Bachi kakeria( sorry if I have spelt it wrongly). But in last one and half year, my reading habit and interest has experienced a drastic change and I wait for the Sundays to come to read those TOI editorial. In recent time, or may be they are writing for a long time, Mr Akbar and Mr. Dasgupta are contributing to the Sunday editorials. Their articles are full of facts and demonstrate a great deal of command over their subjects. Mr Akbar writes on topics with flavour of his experience and knowledge and Mr. Dasgupta analyze the topic from the perspective of history and both of them are amazingly informative and thought provocative in their writings. Among this old highly qualified and knowledgeable brigade there is two new entrant from youngistan, one is Miss Shobha DE and other is Mr. Chetan Bhagat.

I don't have much know how of Miss De except she is a model turn writer cum Social activist and her books occupy wider space in the shelves of books store in the cities, specially the metro station books stores. I haven't read any of her books but from the title of her book, compliment showered on the cover by different agencies and reading few post on her blog, I could figure out she extensively write on the subject of women, how suppressed they are and problems they face and blah blah, And it does not entice the reader in me. She is one of the typical female protagonist.

Mr. Bhaghat is one of the modern story tellers of youngistan. Going By his degree, an Engineer from IIT Delhi and a IIM-A grad, a profile can't get better than this in India. This speaks volume of his intelligence and his intellect. I read his first book five point some One, it happens to be my first novel that I completed from prologue to epilogue, I was very excited to read this book, it was as if experiencing a movie in which I could have been one of the actors. But this was also the last f his books that I have read, going by the reviews from friends I made that he writing not so exciting stuffs and is foolish to waste time on 250 pages novel. He is now very famous and he is writing columns on alternate Sunday. I have been reading his columns and I figured out he is not writing kind of stuff to belong to the class of those veteran journalists. As he himself said in some interview that he is writing for masses and I can't understand what belongs to the masses and what to a certain class of people. I believe that a good piece of writing educate people no matter where it has been published and a quality education makes people intelligent. What Mr. Bhagat is writing is like having a every day discussion at any local chaiwala or the discussion at a sallon where people keep on criticizing the government and the failure of its working system, the problem of hierarchy in the government etc. These issue are known to the so called masses that he is writing for. So what is the point in wasting an editorial space. Any ways so called Indian masses don't read English newspaper, they prefer hindi or regional language news paper.Even if he is writing for masses then please write something better, some issues that are not well known to the people or provide a solution for the problem rather writing the cliches. And we always claim that masses need to be educated with quality education and if you write these hackneyed stuff, I doubt there would be any education for the consciences of masses. Its like like educating with mediocre basics and expecting an intelligent response, how mediocre is that? This "doing for the masses" has coined from the bollywood and other regional film fraternity. They make some cheap romantic stuff or some extraordinary bullshit action movie and claim they are making this for masses and not for critics.
Any ways I would request Mr. Bhagat to please write some quality stuff, this is expected of a highy educated Young people like you. Reading his article the quote from Venkat story( Stay Hungry Stay Follish) always strikes my senses," An IITian lives in a Island, they come from a very good school then the best college in India and they are mostly unaware of the reality of India".

If not very thought provocative then at least write something that might help readers like us who are reading for improving their vocabulary and reading habits for the mother of all MBA exam called CAT.... :-) :-)

Grow from being Sha Rukh Khan to Amir khan sir... :-). Be more responsible to what you write.

I hate those who has a word against Sachin!!!!

2009-11-07T04:10:00.000-08:00

I am accepting this, I am obsessed with Sachin. I want more and more of Sachin. I am writing this post as I am very disturbed after the match on 5th of November. Some time I really feel Indian team does not deserve a player like Sachin. It's very obvious that there is no player in the cricket fraternity who can match his ability or his class but Indian team even fails to complement his class by just supporting him. And I have accepted this fact long ago after 1999 chennai test, for me India wins or lose does not matter, how Sachin played that matter. Cricket is 11 member team game so you can not expect from one man to bat for 50 overs to win matches, there are 10 others who too have to share the responsibility but you know how competent these idiots are. Any ways then what is hurting me, few Idiots rather insane fucking idiots who are saying he can't finish the matches, what a fucking opinion, I simply believe they are nuts who don't understand cricket at all.

I am obsessed with everything about Sachin and I go nuts when people criticize him or compare him with any other cricketer. I can't tolerate anything against him. For me, he is the God not the one immortal force or some other divine force, may be there is one or is just the languishing invisible creature hanging around in some distant universe. He is the one God for me. People read holy books when they down and out, I prefer reading a article on Sachin, his anecdotes, his records whatever it maybe. I am so obsessed with him that I hate not the people who compare him with someone but also the player with whom he his compared with, I don't understand why these idiots with there illogical fucking argument try to castigate and denigrate his achievement. Just because, other players can never achieve what he has? or out of compulsion that they have to utter a nonsense against Sachin? Fuck off..

This is precisely the reason I hate Saurav Ganguly. This all started at my home itself. My uncle belongs to that league of people who can never accept the greatness of Sachin. During 1996 he compared Sachin with Jayasuriya, I slowly and slowly nursed a feeling of hatred against Jayasuriya because he has been compared with Sachin, but thanks to the arrival of Ganguly on the international scene, my uncle started comparing Ganguly with Sachin. Now jayasuriya is in good books of mine, all hatred has been directed towards Ganguly. I had many altercation with my Uncle regarding this Sachin -Ganguly debate, Ganguly has four years of illustrious career 1999-2002 and most of his knocks are against minnows. I hated Ganguly because whenever he scored a century, his bong supporters in the local train during office hour or any where in the world started comparing him with Sachin. I tell you during those days if Ganguly scored a century then he is not only touted as best cricketer by all the fanatic Bengali(no offence to any Bengali) supporters but they will abuse other players as if they haven't contributed to the game and every time whole of the discussion echoed with the words like Sachin is selfish player, he plays for recodrs and stuffs like this. Why the fuck they said those things against Sachin, I don't understand, just because you have to praise that minnow king Ganguly, yes this is the reason and I say fuck off to those Ganguly fans. I hate Ganguly and I will hate him forever no matter what is his contribution. Back to my Uncle he too said those unaccepted words against Sachin, believe me at those moments he was the worst guy in my life. And I am saying this to all my friends or rather requesting them Please don't say anything against Sachin on my face, I can't tolerate and this is the issue where I can't put a diplomatic face to you, I might say or take some nasty action that might hamper our friendship for ever. This has happened to me with a close friend who stated saying those fucking words against Sachin just because he has to praise Dhoni and I answered him in way that is very unusual to me. After that incident our friendship was just a diplomatic affair we didn't share the same vibe, any more, in the last leg of College and We have not had a talk after college. Again one idiot is talking of Sachin in that manner and he happened to be a blind fan of Ganguly, this has disturbed me lot after the match. That guy is not in front of me other wise I would have given him a piece of my head and may be I would have slapped him as well.

I love Sachin, I look to him as my Idol, my God. So please don't criticize him at least on my face. I can't bear the burnt and even if you have to, please look at what he has done for India. For past 20 years he has been the reason for smile on the faces of Indians. Amidst all the atrocity in the life of people he is one reason and a name who brings smile and joy to people, may be for few moments or days and for people like me forever. Then what is the the reason, people say nasty words against him, may be they are out of their mind or they don't have a fucking mind.

I hate them and will hate them forever!!!

confused , with no answer!!!

2009-10-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

Confused.... Don't know what to do... Its been almost 5 months since I have resigned. Doing nothing. Solving CAT materials, what ever around my reach, improved a lot in quant and DI sections able to solve d questions at good speed, supposedly and conceived English is my forte conclusion drawn from my high percentiles scores in English from last two CAT,but MOCKS are not translating my preparation into percentile, actually after answering few question it seems purposeless to answer and sit for the paper for two more hours. Actually they have never been good for me, whether I scored 79 or 90 percentile in d last two CAT that I have given, mocks result are no where close to what I have scored in last CAT.... Confused me!! I don't know why I am penning down this crap for what reason!1 ... This is the only possibility seems ahead of me to earn some time for my puzzled soul... to give myself some time... Frankly speaking don't know what I want, a free life I suppose with no boundaries and no eyes of expectation..... MBA two years of classroom... bit hectic.. but nothing seems a possibility except doing an MBA from a coll, selected ones (Two coll I want to be IIM A or IIM C (bit to much to expect) ) as don't want to repeat NIT jsr experience in my life.

Every now and then my adrenaline goes berserk and I log in into naukri.com to look for a job, I see a opening or a walking, but again confused whether to go for it or not... In between I got few calls, I said no to IBM, a Dubai based Insurance company, a bank job in Kolkata. And three have rejected me one Law firm, (looking for an technicaly sound electronics engineer, ohh engineering and me poles apart), Bharti AXA life Insurence coz I am not 25 years OLD (POOR ME!!), just two days ago naukri .com has rejected me, I went for the interview they gave me an apti paper I answered all the question thanks to my preparation for CAT I was able to answer, then a technical paper, answered almost 90 % question correctly. I thought I would get that job today. Then the interview round started, instead of the HR coming herself she asked another guy, would be 3 to 4 yrs senior to me. He questioning me after the usual greeting, that guy was full of ego, typical engineers, he asked me few questions, why I resigned... I told him my reasons.. he gave me a disdain look, as if I was hiding that I am fired. It completely turned me off, it was around 3:00 pm and I didn't had a any food till then, the empty stomach and his egoistic look fueled the egoist in me... He asked me few more easy question which I tried to answer, but before I could even get going he starting interrupting me by saying "Think before you speak" as if He was sitting with a road side ricksawala and teaching him how to answer.. How long I could have tolerated this, finllay the ball roll into my court. He asked for the solution of a puzzle which I have answered in the written test, I explained him the solution which completely differ from the usual way of answering the question,a conventional method known to the interviewer. He told me why the hell you are putting so much of fundas into this simple question. What happened next shooked him completely, I answered him in his own tone and told him bluntly, I haven't mugged up all this answer and I answered what seems to me the solution , and my mind does not work as yours. He didn't expected this answer from me, I knew by then that I have lost the job, he asked few question about testing and oracle which I didn't know or I knew some what but felt better to be silent and let him ripped my ass off!! On the way back I regretted to lose the job.. wished I would have answered him peacefully or at least should have let him enjoy his ego of excellence over me... But I am an Idiot who don't know what he is upto...

Really confused and puzzled soul.. I want to go home and stay with my parents... But I can't go because of some reasons and because I can't look into their eyes full of expectation, because of the sadistic society which will label me as an failure and the pain that it will inflict to my parent's soul... i simply don't know... what to do??? Finally today I have applied for a sarkari job, against all my wishes, in the hope that I can go to kolkata with a well paid job in a hand.. But I am not sure whether I will sit for the exam or not, the question of succeeding comes next... With one good thought I am on cloud 9,, my mind and soul start drawing plans for my own venture, what ever it may be, suddenly new hopes instill new energy...

This vicious cycle keeps coming and adding to the woes...

My todays orkut tagline says.." Is there an answer for the question"life"?.. I am seeking an answer... Please do help me..

hamara pyara bharat

2009-10-08T06:36:00.000-07:00

Ye hai bharat aur ye hai bhartiye rail,
Hamare pyare bharat ki sachi tasvir,
Hamara bharat amiri aur garibi ,
Ka atut sangam hai,
hamari rail bhi Is sangam ka pratik hai,
Yahan A.C. aur general bogi ,
Dono aas paas hai,
Ek me hawa ko tandi banana wali machine hai,
Dusre me me thandi hawa ko ,
Garam hawa me badal ne wali bhid hai,
Ek me soneke sath sath tahalne ki bhi jagah hai,
To dusre me ek ke upar ek log kade hai,
Jaha ek or tapman bhi adjust hota hai,
Wahi dusri taraf bhati jaise garmi me bhi log so rahe hai,
Ek me gaddedar bed hai soneke liye,
To dusre taraf kamabal ke bane bistar hawa me latak rahe hai,
Ek taraf sone aur pao phalane ki jagah hai,
Dusre me ek tang pe kade hokar tapasya karne ki jagah hai,
Ek aur Vajpaiye aur manmohan ki shinig aur progressive India ,
Dusre taraf dhul chatti struggling India,
Jo bhi hai jaisa hai ye hai India hamara.

Fake World

2009-05-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

The last seven months have been a journey of introspection and finding what is that I wanted to do. In the hindsight I got the answer, I want to work with freedom will and this will give me immense pleasure. So what to do, I wanted to quit the job and embark the journey which I will choose and I will be the only one who will be responsible for the bumps ahead. I knew it won't be that simple and I am prepared for what is coming.

"Duniya ek moha maya, aur log ek moha maya me jhakre samajik gulam hai. Har rista is samaj ka banaya hua ek jhut hai. Ye Duniya ek jhut hai." Its bloody dam mm fake world and I realized it and realized it in the hard way. We are the mere puppets dancing to the direction of the master be who ever he may be. You always been been judged by the person who is better in the the path that your master choose for you, ignoring your expertise and ignoring the fact that you are better than that of the bench mark that your master has chosen for you. You are being ignored, you are being degraded, you are the one whose dreams are being crushed, you are made to believe, your dream are not be realized and you simply can't make it because your thoughts, yours dream simply does not fit into the scheme of your master. And the worst is when you outclass the bench mark that your master sets for you and suddenly you are the one who is epitome of success, hard work and many accolades, that can be attributed to the winner. But whole world come crashing upon you by the same master once again, when you try to held your head high try to envisioned the dream of your own, when you are on the way to walk your own path, when you divert from the path chosen for you, your those winning ability is questioned, the failures of the losers is the only future of yours and you are been decry to give up what is your dreams and still if you pursue your perseverance, you are been subjected to all kinds of emotional blackmail. If that is not enough to shatter your firm belief of your self belief, the reality show of life, cruelest reality show is on then you know that you are just a social liability to those who have hailed you as their love ones, who hailed your determination and grit to sustain for the success that they wanted you to achieve. This is the time when you have to accept the fact that you have been ignoring through your life, it is the fact that if you can't give your master, who feed ed you, who has done sacrifices for you, supposedly that they are the only one who have sacrificed in what you are today, the social advantage(that they wanted to enjoy) in the society which they can boast about, you are then become a social liability because you want to risk your comfort the social advantage that you have created for them for the greater goal or a happy life. For them you are only going to fail because they say they have seen the world more than what I have ( I don't deny this), because they have tasted the setback that they refused to fightback and many other thought that have made them risk their comfort. May be I might not fail, may be I will give them a greater social advantage or may not be, but please let me live the life what I wanted to live and above all I want to see them happy, I want to give them all the happiness in the world, I want them to be over the moon. But Please don't make my world seems so fake to me, Please don't set your goals walking over the dead dreams of mine. Please don't make me realize this fake cruel world, I beg of you please don't.

Election Akada '09

2009-04-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

This election is not much different than the other election I have seen except the media's aggressive movment to increase voting percentage. The blame game is on, Advani accusing Manmohan singh of being a puppet of Sonia Gandhi, Sonia and family accusing Advani of being a puppet of RSS. Advani labeled as a Hindu terrorist. Is Advani a terrorist? I doubt. A terrorist is a extremist, who lives to his extreme principle and die for for his principle. But our politician has no one principle, they changes color of morality like the lizard who disguise. Mr. Advani is not much different, all of us remember the incident of Advani praising Mr. Jinnah in Pakistan. So if we tag our politician as terrorist we are actually not doing the justice to the word "Terrorist". Let me tell you I am not at all a Congress prop, I will prefer a BJP government instead of a congress government. Congress in last five year stint has almost jeopardise the education system. I and all my NIT jamshedpur mate will agree to this, the first decision that HRD minister Arjun Singh has taken was to change the all the director of all the NITs and that decision has jeopardise our all four years of college. So I am not able to decide to vote for whom and so I didn't vote this time and one thing I believe instead of asking the government to do something I will do it myself..

on a lighter note the Manmohan Sonia duo might rock this time as well... So Singh is king..

"Topper" The illusive story

2009-04-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

It was end of my of class eight, the end of my professional cricket "my love, my best friend, my reason to be happy and it was my world". It was year 1999, Papa asked me to leave my cricket club,"for that season I was captain of the in the district level tournament and was the opening Batsman, to focus on studies to take safe path for my future, its a very painful story I will share later. I accepted Papa's decision, I don't have the balls to oppose him and to go against his wish, and concentrated on studies. Till class eight I was an average student of the class and use to secure enough marks to not be on the bad side of the class. Because of my height, I was only 4 ft 8 inches after finishing class ten ( my friend use to call me "bauna", midget , thank to god I have a good height now 5"9', I always secured a place in the first bench with all intelligent minds of the class. So it was much easier to get notes before the exam from my toppers friend, generous people they never denied me a favour. But from class nine the ball rolled quickly in my kitty, in very few months I was in the league of those idols of mine, thanks to my Mamaji ( taught me maths and physics, he himself is an mathematics genius who haven't done justice to his talent) and my other teachers. At the end of class nine I gave all of them a good competition, specially in maths to be honest I was better than them. But till class ten I never thought to beat them in marks tally but now I wanted to get that illusive figure 75% marks in the board exam ( in sate board specially for Hindi medium guys its a bench mark percentage to get in west Bengal) and I really studied hours to get that. My friends, teachers family member were sure that I will reach that figure easily. I too was very confident to get that. By nature I was a very superstitious person as every cricketer is , I was no exception, in some movie if I am not wrong it was from KKHH I learnt that if one make a wish keeping your eyes close and putting the detached eyebrow hair on the back of your palm the wish will always come true, I did that quite a number of time asking god to help me get that magical figure. Foolish me. By the way it was mid of July the result of class ten was published, it was my first encounter with net, it was their on the net. One of my close friend Sujit, he was a very very hard working guy and he too was on of the expected student to get that magic figure ( he literally studied for 18 hours a day for the last 4 months of the board exam, god I haven't seen any body studying for that long), came running to my home shouting my name nikki nikki( my pet name), that time I was offering pujas to god for that day for the god result). Hearing his voice I thought he has hit the bulls eye( previous night we both sat together in the night for hours and made plans how we are going to celebrate the magical figure), the moment I came out my house the words came from his mouth " mera star marks nahi aaya" , I stand in disbelief, it was like I had lost ground under my feet, but that guy was at his relaxed best, he was composed as ever no sign of grief, no disbelief ( Because of this nature of his I had given him the name "Gandhi"). Getting my composure back I dressed up quickly and ran as fast as I can to know my result. I am a very impatient guy and wait in the queue outside the only cafe in the town was no panacea for my anxiety. The roll number was entered in the required tab and the owner struck the "enter" button, slow speed of the explorer was killing me, my moment came and here it was my result, my moment dream, by grace of God I was no different to my friend I too missed the magical figure by 17 marks. But I was not strong as my friend, I broke up at that very moment, my I was full of salty water some how I mange to stop my tears to flow out of eyes in the cafe to avoid embarrassment of crying in public. I came out of the cafe and Papa was waiting for me, the moment he asked me about the result I gave up was crying like a baby, I was in his arms, crying and crying. All my well wisher from family to friend, teachers no one could believe that I didn't reached that figure. Because my family's political reach I came to know where actually I missed and the reason was more shocking It was not my fault but it was somebody Else's fault. Some how that episode ended. It was almost three months gap between the board exams and the result day. A week after the exam I had started my studies for the class twelve, bloody engineering entrance exam and the mad competition, I had no time to enjoy the vacation. It was a high profile batch for the so called aspiring engineering student, bloody hell, started by Mamaji. Being the best in maths in the school, till then I had won the crown of best mathematician in the school...heheh..:-), by default I was the part of that batch. Mama has told all of us that he is going to finish the maths course of class 11 and twelve before our board result of class ten will be out. All of us agreed to him and went on with the target, It was like solving maths problem for almost 9 to ten hours a day even more hours at particular days. Every one was gung ho to at thought of being way ahead of the other student in three months. But after 2 weeks the maths warriors gave up to the speed of the teaching, I should say this that our teacher was more excited to reach the target than the student himself. He thought everyone was as good as he his but reality was way far from his imagination, he was way ahead of the time in our part of the society. Sadly I was not allowed to be the part of the crowd, my interest in the subject and teacher being my uncle I worked with the same enthusiasm for the next three months and at the end of those three months I had completed 80% of my course, I remaining 20% was not done because of the other boys in the class. So I was the lone survivor of number battle. As adage goes it is very lonely at top, It was same with me. After the board result when my toppers friend started to enroll for the maths tuition classes to my uncle's class, I was giving them tips on how to solve the maths problem, and I was invigilating them in the test conducted at the tuition. The story was not much different for the other subject as well, though everyone had started for physics and chemistry together, I was performing better than the others and I was the darling of all my teachers by then. Blame it to my ability or my gritty attitude to compete with the best, I was standing at the top with no one to compete with me. It made me complacent and I created an utopia of mine own. It was my world, the world of a genius who was best in the business and in that world no one can come close to me.

In other tuition classes, except maths, I was following books which were not for my state board course but more related to those engineering exams. But because of the rigid methodology adopted by the teachers for many years, they denied me to answer those out of syllabus question. Slowly and slowly those hypocrite, so called teachers, denied me the fun of the subject and it was not only those teachers but my disdain attitude, being the best by far, towards the batch cost me a lot. Blame it to the lack of completion or my attitude, I almost lost the desire to compete. I was leveraging the success in my own world, created by me, it was like a kingdom where I was the king and the world was full of praise to me. In no time the class 11 exams knock the door and then I realised that except maths, I haven't prepared any other subject well enough, and I remember night before the physics exam I was literally scared, I was dying, as thought of doing bad in the exam. It was not the bad marks that I was going to score but reaction of the people who had high expectation of me, more than that I was watching my kingdom crashing down. That night was my tryst with reality and that night changed my world once and for all. And I made a promised to myself to get back to my best and to never let down who had expectation to me specially my family, after that night I was more honest and much better person. Thanks to to the blessing and my I hard work I was again at my very best, but this time complacency has no place in my attitude. Hey, this time the magical figure was not 75% but it was bit higher now it was 80% for the class twelve in the state boards. This time I was not only well read to get that figure but everybody told from my teachers to my friends boasted the idea of me going to be the topper. Believe me, I knew it this time it is me going to be the topper and not only that every one believed that I will do very good in the state engineering exam. That year the results of all the engineering exam were out before my board result and I had already got the Electronics in NIT jamshedpur (though I was not a deserving candidate for that seat and I told my parents that i don't want to get admission this year I will prepare for all those all India exam for one year and then I will took admission but I my parent didn't show consensus to this decision of mine and I am paying the price for agreeing to my parents decision that year. The next four years at the college went in regret, and every second spent in the college I felt the blow of that guilt and believe me I tried to my best to not get any advantage of being in the college. I always kept my self away from all the college activity except the final three semester even that time I didn't took the college advantage but with few of my friends I tried to give back to the college and wanted to contribute to the legacy of college.), but I haven't done well enough in my state engineering exam than expected. But still I was waiting for my class twelve board result, believe me, I am not exaggerating, I studied like animal, for the last three four months before the exam I use to have a sleep of only 3 to 4 hours. So this time again it was board result day, but by this time I was more of a atheist(not completely) not driven by supposition(had one or two). As usual Papa forced me to offer Puja and he even took me to get the blessing of Kali ma at the famous Kalimandir of the Kalighat( as I was leaving for Jamshedpur after too days), I too offered my Puja with utmost respect to the goddess, human is very selfish animal he will betray to his own principle for mere lure of success. Apprehensively, I was back to my home town. My soul was in doldrums, he wanted to rejoice for my success but the fear of bad luck kept him to the reality. The moment I stepped into the house I saw the faces of my cousin brother and my few close friend. Their faces told me the story, they were all turned pale, they know i badly I was waiting for that result and how much effort I had put in. This time I was not even close to the marks I was expecting, this shocking result had struck me hard but the by then enough had happened to me and not even one drop of tear flown out of eyes. That day selfish human in me has lost to the atheist in me for ever. Next day at school results were distributed to the toppers of the school and all the eyes of my teachers, friends and family gave me a sympathetic look. So that was the end of the Ankesh who was a good student and I have decided to punish my self.

Hey this sad story had an happy ending, my dream to be a topper came true in the college. I passed out from the college being a topper but from the last of my branch, sadly I managed to get only once to be a topper SGPA wise. Any ways I finished my technical education as Topper...hehehe..

Cheers Buddy... :-)

My experience of working in Service Sector of Software Industry

2009-04-04T04:54:00.000-07:00

After three years of spoiling years at college, placement knocks at our door, it’s time for the rat race of getting a job and throughout these three years in college placement takes the centre of our thoughts , being in NIT I had this in back of my mind that no matter what I do, nobody in this entire world is going to stop me to get a job in the placement. Thanks to software company and the dominance of Indian software company in the service sector even the worst in the college like me, who just managed to avoid the F grade, gets a job that will pay me a 20k+ salary. So finally the college gets over and happily we prepare for corporate stint. It’s the time when I rejoiced the independence from the monetary dependence of mine over my family.
After lot of hysteria making the round for the late joining date, surprisingly I got joining date; I had to report on the third of July, reporting date was much earlier than expected. The day we moved in the training centre, the word professionalism was forced to entrench the space around my eardrum. The rigorous training commenced to absorb the new joiner in the company as employee , believe me I learned more number of technology in the one and half months of the training, I couldn't even imagine of learning so many technology in my wildest dream in college. Anyways this dumb in college had done quite well in the training. Even a lethargic person like me was on the track of professionalism, the 45 days of training was good enough to prepare our self to work even for 16 hours of work, let me confess I was not at all complaining about my hectic work hour after all I was learning a lot while working and it over shadowed all the pain and tiredness of work.
The second phase of training started and the domain training got under way. We all were told and boasted about the importance of domain training, every trainee is allocated to a particular domain where he or she is going to work for the company in the future, till this time we all were excited and equipped with knowledge of handful number of technology and we all had an very professional image or perception about what we would be doing in our near future. My domain was software testing, the mentor, who was responsible for all our training, Mr. Prasad, a very dynamic, true elocutionist, a distinguished personality among the very best and a great person from Bangalore, gave us an over view of what testing is all about and he was the only one who was true about the reality of the corporate culture of the service sector of software industry. I didn't had any clue what is testing and what is development so the domain “testing” didn't had any effect on my process of thing but it was very hurt breaking for few of the computer science folks. Finally a person named Mr. Kasturi came to take our session, let me tell you I had never imagined such shabbily dressed person to be a part of leading software company, early in the morning while walking to the training centre I have seen this person on the way I thought he must be a "chaprasi " of the company and as per my nature I made fun of the appearance of the person among my friend circle, and here for me and everybody in the class that very person was appointed to take session for us for next 11 days. That was the first shock for me and it created a really bad impression in my mind and I wasn't wrong in my perception as the days of training started unfolding my perception took a firm belief, many events took place during those particular session and my world of professionalism came crashing down on me. I was sure; I was knocking on the door of Pandora's box. Then came Mr. Venket, a very introvert but a good knowledgeable trainer, and finally there was some respite for the frustrated folks, he took 22 days session about testing tools, Finally there was something in testing which might challenge the complexity of the cerebrum of our brain. The training got over and we all were too very sure that we would be directly deployed to the project as per the boasting of the talent of all the student from NITS and the BITS pillani by every person who came to take session for us, because of the bad economy there was no joining for private college folks, we were told that the top management is keeping a direct eye on our batch and we all are being prepared to increase the productivity of some kind of high profile job. So we all were gear up, though we all have lost all hopes but the human optimist had kept some hope alive to get some good opportunity, to report to our unit to contribute to the revenue of the companies. As I have already written in my earlier post what hell we went during 2 months of bench we were in, I have also scribbled of my first day experience at the project, somewhere I was bit mistaken in making my first impression that folks do nothing in project, yes they do work for almost 9 to 10 hours every day. But how they spent 9 to 10 hours in the office is not entirely work, the first 1 hours in the office is dedicated to forwarding junk mails of good morning , fun at works and lot other stuff. Then starts the work for the day people get busy for their work, work and the gossiping goes hand in hand during this 9 to 10 hours of office, this reminds me of one of the mails sent by Naryan Murthy to all the folks to reduce their office hour by avoiding their all the duties that they do which they are not supposed to get engaged in the office. Finally I got my share of work to do, the biggest blow was yet to hit me and here I was being face to face with what I was supposed to do. What I was asked to do is to make some updates in the excel sheet, which involves spelling checks, correction of inappropriate sentences, these were few example of my work, there are other interesting works I do , I am reviewing whether there is any dissimilarities in the font size , font colour between the screens which is developed for the application and the benchmark screen, and other type of my work taught me the importance of the "ctrl+v, ctrl+c, ctrl+x, ctrl+all the arrows" and how much money these combination of buttons can make for the company . All the moolah in the software industry is churned by the different combination of these buttons of the keyword. It was very clear to me, there is nothing much to do in this service sector of software industry beyond these combination of buttons. This is my experience of being in the service sector, testing domain, but the development side of this industry is not much different from the testing, whatever I had came to know from my friend working in the development side in my company and other companies, I can came to the conclusion that there is nothing different to do except copy and pasting (in technical terms importing from one sheet and exporting in other sheet) the codes and the script in a bit intelligent and different way.
post joining I am regretting my decision to join the service sector, but I could not have done thing differently in the college because I or my other friends hardly had a much clear view about what is there in the service sector to do and there was also the lure for the spoiling life of the metros, the sexy lady factor of metros and all other stuff. If I had any idea what I was going to do in the sector I might have done things differently, I might have explore the different opportunities. That free time of the college is all past, but still I can do things differently and I am prepared to do it differently and take much risk than I could think in the college.
If any mates working in the service sector would read this post please correct me if I am wrong, for those who are yet to join this industry please think 100 times before getting into this sector, I know it’s difficult time to get a job and its easier said than done but our future is in our own hands, we are only responsible for our decision, so it’s time to be more critical to our own decision and to embark for a more satisfying future....

Mising Pakwan at holi

2009-03-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Holi to all!

Holi at Hyderabad seems very colour less. There is hardly any sign of colours on the street no pichkari shop. Tomorrow is holi and I have seen only one person painted in colour. Its very unusual for me . I have enjoyed holi every year with friend and family, ran around the city chasing friends. Holi is not only about colour, its also about different pakode, sweets, dahibada and many other food stuff. And the from last four years since I went to college, holi has brought new style of holi kapda phad holi( before college I was not into kapda phad holi, instead i use to look in disdain to the people who vetern in this kapda phad holi....lot has changed in college...:-)! ). This year I am not going to bath for hours to remove colour from my body, no besan ka lotion and multani meeti for my glowing skin..:-). I called mummy today and she asked me Do you had ur pakoda?....I said no..there is no one here to fry pakoda for me here..she asked me to go and by some from outside....Sadly there is hardly any pakoda one can find here in Hyderabad except that tanda pirchi ka pakoda....I felt like crying today....Please god send me some pakwan in my dreams......

Yaar some times the diversity of south India from north really make us feel as if I am in some other country than India.....

O koi gal nahi...phir koi holi purani holi ki tarah hogi...

Its Not Like That....

2009-02-21T23:39:00.000-08:00

The most Famous adage and told by every one who has achieved something or is a moral preacher......"Enjoy the present......Don't worry about the Past...Don't care what will happen in future..."

But I have a different take on this...."What ever we are doing in our present it always SUCKS..and SUCKS big time...Mine version is..."There is no Fun in Present...So bask in the glory of Your past...And enjoy imaginative success of your Future and Be happy..."

I know its weird one..But we always feel proud of our achievement of past though we didn't gave a damn about that at the time we did it....We always feel very happy when we make a plan for our future after being totally frustrated by our Present....In no time we take our soul to position where we are the king of the world and every creature of the world spread flower of glory to our deed... And we are on top of the world... How satisfying is our future suddenly seems and we float with the happiness as it was never been away from me.....

But Our Present gives us nothing but a reason for a nagging life and we condemn what ever we does in the present....But strangely When the present become Past ...we dig out tiny achievement and give our self a reason to held our head high...

I feel, I am more correct than those of my philosophical contenders......

Innocent Letter

2009-02-13T06:03:00.000-08:00

To,
Mom ,
I hate myself
Mom you are very very beautiful
And I very very ugly
Mom you are lucky
Mom you are great
Mom I am not lucky
Mom I am not great
Mom you are very very good
And I am very very bad
I hate my work, game, bag
Pen, Pencil, pencil box, Almari
And my other things
Mom you have good luck
Mom your self very very good
And myself very very bad
Good Luck
I love you Mom

Flash Back: Arya has gifted this letter to her Mom on her(Mom) Last B’day. She was bit upset because mamiji has scold her early on the day for some reason and pour her heart into this letter to gift her mom.
Arya is my sweet little sister(cousin) of mine. She is daughter of my mamaji. She is the youngest child in my Nanighar and she is darling of every one. She is like the queen of the house no body denies or does any thing against her wish , if she demand for a anything some one will bring her what she want. No body in the family want to see her upset , she is very good diplomat too, she knows this and she will go to the right person for her demand. She is studying in class 3 and except her mom no body press her for study coz every one wants to talk to her ,to pamper her. She is the commander in chief for the television in her house and no body dares to change the cartoon network or pogo in her presence, if you dare to suffle the channel , her emotionally black mail will make you surrender to her demand. I have given her nick name Gandi for her diplomacy and very few lovable person to her have privilege to call her by this name and I am at the top of the list. I fill proud to be in the honoured list.
When I read the letter of her I was shocked and at the same time amazed by the deep thoughts of Gandi and her philosophical self. It was very strange self of Gandi to every one in the family. For everyone in the family she is the sweet little darling who loves cartoon, chocolates, phuchka(golgape) and toys.
I will not say anything more because I would not stop talking about Gandi and my family . I feel I am one of the very lucky ones who are still living in a joint family. Even we live in different houses we are always there for each other. We celebrate together , we mourn together. I am proud to be part of my family.

उलझने

2009-02-07T23:42:00.000-08:00

जीवन एक पहेली बन गई है ,

एक भुलभुलईया बन गई है ,

हर एक मोड कई नये सवाल बन गई है ,

हर एक मोड कई नये रास्ते दिखलाती है ,

हर एक रास्ता कई मंजिलो का शबब बन गई है ,

हर एक मंजिल नये आयाम पर ले जा सकती है ,

हर एक मंजिल गहरी खाई का डर भी जगाती है /

जीवन कई अन सुलझे सवाल बन गई है,

हर एक सवाल अपने को सुलझाने को कहती है।

जीवन की ये पेचीदगी ,

हर पल नये उलझाने खड़ी कर रही है,

इन उलझनों को सुलझाने में,

मासुमियत कही खो सी जा रही है,

ये हर एक मासूम से जीवल की सरलता छीन रही है/

जीवन का हर एक नया पायेदान ,

और भी बिचलित करती है,

ये और भी नये अनसुलझे सवाल खडे करती है/

Home Sweet Home

2009-01-22T08:15:00.000-08:00

Hey Its time to go home..... its time for mummy's food, bengal sweets.... Its goin to be one hell of an rejuvenating trip at time when life has become a roaler coaster ride.....This could may be a trip which might decide the future of my career. To all my bloger friends have lovely n rockin weekend...

Last few days "Satyam Saga"

2009-01-10T22:16:00.000-08:00

Hello all, Its has been two weeks since I have posted on my blog. Actually I did not had any thing to write coz for last few days my mind has been into some kind of coma, my mind was not responding to what was coming towards me. I was utterly frustrated to the job of office boy in my project and every our of the i was thing how to get rid of this company or the bond that i am obliged to. So more than anything i was tracing ways to get out of here. But issue is that what after that, any how i have been in talk with a person of getting started with a business proposal, that healed my frustration a bit , and gave some hope to my ambitions. Any ways amidst of all these fighting of thoughts in my soul, the news broke out of one of the biggest corporate scandal of India, Mr. Raju confessed is manipulation in the balance sheet, the news spread like the jungle fire, Satyam share price plummeted in no time , Satyam was all over the media, Mr. Raju now adorn the title of most googled man on the web beating the sexiest lady of the world Katrina Kaif. The mood in the office was very grim, it was like something wrong has come true what every one was predicting to happen but deep down to the heart it was unwanted. People face lost its colour , it turned pale. now every one was worried for their job, specially those who has just got married or having children , they were worried about the EMIs to paid. But for me it was bit different I was jumping with joy laughing like anything with Gaurav like my wish has come true, whole i felt eclectic. I was excited by the thought that now i might leave the company without paying the bond amount, hurrah. Ohh forget my crap... Now it was time for the mobile to ring, I received calls from almost most of my friend asking kya hua be, company doob rahi hai tala lagne wala hai kya, every one was sympathising , i talked to all my freinds saying the same thing to every one blah blah...about Satyam. , god this reminded me of my birth day i get so many calls only on my bdays. What follows was the mail campaign to so the unity of the satyamites, mail content were like i will work for satyam even i don't get salary for two months, we are loyal to satyam , we support Raju, I agree all these craps, signing campaign blah blah...ohhhhhh. It was hectic day checking mail box reading those craps, but i did not forwarded any of the mail but i did not had the courage to write i don't agree to any of the mail coz some where at hindsight I was asking my self what after Satyam, What i will do, though the thought of chasing my dream is keeping me driving to this situation. But now my mind has stop responding to any of the news popping in the media and i have also tiring for applying for jobs in last few days. Now I am wishing this company get shut down or i get freed from this bond and probably then i can give my life a new direction. But there is also the fear of failure that can hit back on my face with more worst situation but now i am more determined to give my self another chase.

Lets hope to join the group of those who chased their dream!!!!!!!!

एक सवाल!!!!!

2008-12-28T09:28:00.000-08:00

एक सवाल हैं जो जीवन का मक्सद बनगया हैं

एक सवाल हैं जो जीवन को राह दिखा रहा हैं

हर दिन इस सवाल का जवाब ढुंढता हैं
हर दिन यह सवाल आत्मा को झंझोडृता है

यह सवाल जीवन में कुछ करने को कहता हैं

ये कहता हैं मुझसे, इस जीवन को ऐसे व्यर्थ न कर

कुछ खुद के लिए और कुछ औरौं के लिए कर

ये सवाल मन को विचलित करता हैं

हर रात बेचैन ये करता हैं

हर सुबाह ये जागने को कहता हैं

हर राह चलते भिखारी के साथ ये सवाल अपनी छाती ताने खड़ा होता हैं

ये हँसता हैं मेरें और मेरें जैसो पर

ये हँसी कुछ अलग करने को केहती हैं

ये हमसे अब जागने को कहती हैं

ये एक सवाल !!!!!

The Zoo

2008-12-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

"The facility where wild animals are housed for exhibition." This is dictionary meaning of Zoo given in the Word web. Does the wild animals are the subject to be housed for exhibition ?

The wild life has always been fascinating for the human being , if we go by the evolution history of human being we had fought against these wild life animal to make a peace full living for ours self. At the start of the human evolution we were less in number but intelligence of mind taught us to work in team to defeat those monstrous animal to earn our food , to guard our life and to create a safe shelter for our self and our family. Over the years we grown in numbers and our intelligence multiplied by each new born individual and finally the world is ruled by the human being not by the animals anymore. Now we are the wild monsters of the modern world invading each inch of the territory of the few wild animals that are still roaming around the scarce jungle . We are not letting go any opportunity to make those animal realize that its our time to rule and now you should fight against us for your survival for existence. The industry run by us are contaminating every drop of the water of the river in the pursuit of killing those thirsty animal who comes to the bank of the river to cool their intestine through the passage of their neck.

We are not happy by only killing them we have created a territory named as "ZOO" where we have jailed them or restrained them behind the bars to entertain our self and our kids.

The question is that each human race or generation has always shouted for their freedom. We have sacrificed our blood, life for our freedom and on the other hand we are snatching the freedom of those innocent animal. When I think of myself confined in room ,it really scares me. Then how can we confine those animal for sake our entertainment.. Let them enjoy the wind and the thick jungle, Let them enjoy the life that they deserve..

X-Mas celebration A satyam STC..A Rocking evening..

2008-12-21T09:33:00.000-08:00

Amidst of the economic turmoil Satyam celebrated the X-Mas on 20Th December. After 2 months we were at STC , it felt great to be back to STC. As we entered STC we felt the energy , excitement and the vibe for the celebration which was to begin in the evening. The Ground inside the campus was full with associate and their family lining for the Fun games, sweet candy, camel ride, horse ride, but the best thing for us it was free of cost (hehehe). We too lined up for the games actually the games were meant for the kids but the child in us failed to restrain himself and in excitement we participated in the game and we won the prizes great to be a winner again (very childish). After all these games and candies, the party kicked off with a lovely performance by a brilliant artist who performed with his speaking doll. Then followed the songs by a professional singer, he sung a kishore kumar number but he did not do the justice to the song..But who cares we all were in the mood of shaking our legs. the real party begin when a associate sung a rocking number and we (me , Nishit and Meliquer aka milky) with few other associate danced in front of the stage, we were the first to hit the floor .What followed was a crowd dancing with full energy and shaking their legs. Boy it was great to watch everyone shaking their arse, amazing(typical ) dance was on display by the dancer in us who comes to life only in the mad crowd. The professional dance group rocked the stage with the sexy rocking numbers from Race. Many associate performed with their songs and dance, but the best that caught every ones eye was a dance cum mime performance , God the creativity of art was at pinnacle in that performance..

But we the engineer will always be the engineer, though we were shaking our kegs in full flow but our eye and legs were not in sync. Our legs were rooted to its place but the eyeball was on the look after for svelte and bootylicious curves making their sexy moves. The twisting and the shaking moves generated the deserved uuuuss and ahahass. We shouted ,jumped ,romanced(dostana, sadly) in my ball dance with Nishit.. Hey even we boys too caught the gazing eyes of few beautiful chicks,kudos to us. I felt like i was back to my college fest but thanks to god here girls were not dancing in separate group in one secluded corner of the ground in the security of the few coll boys ( it used to be tough competition between boys to join those security group meant for guarding and escorting the girls in the coll..hahaha). every one in the party was very well dressed to impress other baring few who did not have any sense for dressing and worst was a very fat lady exposing her waxed bare crossed thighs, it seems she was very impressed by Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.

Finally the party ended with a DJ's remixes it was like a icing on the cake. One happening night ended and we were on our way back to our flats to start one more frustrating week at the office... Count down Begins for the New Year Celebration........

My pLaylist..My Medicine for Rejuvenation

2008-12-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

My choice of songs are very sadones. People know me as a person who is very bindass , carefree, full of enthusiasm to do nonsense thing. But whenever they see my playlist they can't relate it to my behaviour. even some time I find it hard why I listen to these kind of song which has lyrics, saying the story of someone who has lost something or other, in their life, who craves for their lost dreams, lost love or lost ethic. My choice of songs are always a paradigm of ones lost self in pursuit of somthing or someone . And my favorite or should i say which I relate most is " Koi Hota Jisko Apna Khelete " sung by the legendry singer Kishore kumar. This song is a mirror , adorned by image of my lonely self. I am great fan of kishore Kimuar "the most enthusiastic singer of India", but I prefer his sad ones over his enthusiastic and romantic songs. I am very strange person ,what ever is the situation whether I am juming with joy or crying at my soul, I am always with these songs only. The above playlist is not complete it is witnessing the absence of many . I don't know why but these songs are my best friends , my best companion and these are the medicine for the rejuvenation of myself every day.... Sometime I feel I am a stranger to myself..

Myth of Project hehehe!!!

2008-12-16T07:26:00.000-08:00

So finally after a long wait of 2 months I am into a project of CITI group. It was relief that I was selected among the five people they have called for an so called interview where each one of us asked to give an introduction and other question that followed was whether we are comfortable with presentation or not. Every one of us given almost same repeated introduction ( a bit short an modified version of intro that we use utter , i don't remember how many times, during ragging time) , still I forget to mention from which place I belong in my intro (shame on me !! :-) ), but in the presentation question i got an edge coz i told them i had enough experience of presentation as i had organized many event in coll, supposedly that worked for my selection in the project otherwise there was hardly anything to differentiate among us except our gender and face :-). finally after two days of wait i was asked to report to the city team. The story begins here, I was introduced to the team member by the one of my colleague of the project after a brief conversation about my hobbies and all. immediately I was asked to attend a online session by another project member based in some other location, while going to the conference hall I saw every one was looking for someone with a glitz in the eyes of everyone. It was not a wait for any senior official but they all was waiting for a girl a new joinee (one of my batch mate from eltp 900 batch) for the project lead to to the other member , the lust in their eyes was shining with glitter.During the session no one was listening what the guy on the other side of the web was talking, every one was very eager to show their elocutionist skill to impress each other and to prove they are flamboyant and they don't really need what the other guy was trying to explain. After the session I sat with my two friends who were already there in the project, what I saw and observed that nobody was doing anything except gossiping. And one gulti boy with mustache like chirenjivi was doing all kind of absurd talking and the best part was that he was flexing his body muscle and his tongue to the every movement of the girls. All boasting about professionalism in the company, during training , was going for a toss. I still can't figure out what actually I have to do in the project and most importantly how the company is managing to earn those dollar in its revenue with these so called professionals.

Only God Can Save Me Now!!!!

The God "Sachin" 's Gift To His Fans

2008-12-15T05:13:00.000-08:00

Pakistan touring India after almost a decade, the stage was set, crowd was roaring, the whole world of cricket was numb and nervous to watch the most cherished and fearsome cricket rivalry. After four days of unbeliveable brillent cricket it was India's turn to chase 272 to win the test match against the attack of Wasim Akram, Waquar Younis and worlds one of the finest spinner of that time Sqlain Mustaq who has his arsenal equipped with disguising doosra. As usual India has a poor start to the run chase. The crowd went frenzy and whole stadium was shouting at arrival of their most loved warrior as if he will lead the nation to triump against their hunting rival Pakistan. When Sachin came to bat India was 6 for the loss of 2 wicket, the mood of the nation was not of panic, the heart of whole nation was pumping with self belief because her best warrior of the cricket field was on the ground. As per the expectaion Sachin batted his heart out defying the back pain which kept him out of cricket for several month after the series.He stand tall against the feary Pakistani attack from one end and watching the wicket fall life leaf of the tree from the other end(this was an usual situation for Indian cricket in the 90s and early 2000). But Sachin was determine to gift a victory to his nation and he got a partner in the face of Nayan Mongia with whom he batted India almost closer to win. Suddenly as we say cricket is a funny game it changes the course of the match with one ball,the Sachin -Mongia Partnership endend. Sachin was suffering from the back pain , the pain was unbearable but he was still batting for his Nation. 254-6, In those 254 run Sachin batted for 248 runs, he was now in the mood of finshing the match quickly and the master stepped out and lofted Sqlain's ball in the air in pursuit of six, the ball was in the air but the whole nation hold their breath following the trajectory of the ball in the hope that it will go over the rope but fate has somthing different store for the cricketing God, the ball get lost in the hand of Wasim Akram who was standing at very unconventional postion which was neither as deep as longoff nor close as midoff. now Sachin was walking out of the ground and the whole pakistani team was dancing as if they have won the biggest prize of their career. Indian team lost the match the rest of the team could not even score the remaining 12 odd runs and whole team was bowled out on 258. No other team member rose to the occasion to respect one of the best tone played by the Little master. Tha the whole nation cried along with the master and i was one among I cried for hours as if I have lost somthing very dear to me, that defeat of India has turned me into a cricket lover for whom it did not matter whether India Lost or win , the only thing that matter was Sachin's inning because Indian team did not have vigour to stand with the master to fight for the battle on the cricket field.

Finally after almost a decade at the same vanue Chennai but it was not Pakistan ,It was England, India was chasing the record 4th inning score of 387 and it again came to the master to guide India to victory, this time The Master did not tried to finish the match quickly, he batted till the last run was scored and the whole nation witnessed his best inning till date ( rated best by the Master himself). The God was jumping on the field like never before, certainly it was the happiest moment for The God and his Disciple. I think those people who have witnessed this historic moment of Indian cricket are the luckiest cricket fan on the earth and I am reallly feeling jealous to them specially to one of my closest friend Abhijnan because he was there in the stadium to cheer for the Little Master.

Hail Sachin!!!!!

Why Dont We Confess"We Hate Pakistan" ??

2008-12-07T04:06:00.000-08:00

Every time when I hear India - Pakistan Bhai Bhai, I feel pity for our self and Who actualy we are fooling, by claiming us bhai when we all know at hindsight that we hate this country Pakistan. This bhaichara seems to be forced by the bureaucrats to portray themself as the flag bearer of peace. These bureaucrats are moulding the sentiments of people in accordance of their political agenda. Its not only the bureaucrats but our most cherished actors, journalist, sports person have mastered this art of diplomacy while they face the media ,they all seems to take forward the Gandhi's dream of India Pakistan bhai- bhai , but they all know at the core of their heart that atrocity encountered by Indian common man is the aftermath of the malicious thinking of the extremist or should I say the hatred carried for India by each and every pakistani nursed in their heart. And we all accept this fact at our core but still we are not able to accept our hatred and our anger for pakistan.. The recent protest at mumbai has the most common man at the forefront insted of our politician or our Iconic figures. Its time that we the common man sholud shed off our image to be good to every one and we should let our anger and hatred, against this terrorism and the nursing country of terrorism "Pakistan" , to come out and solve this issue once and for all.

मै मन हूँ !!!!

2008-12-03T07:33:00.000-08:00

जाने क्या ढूँढता (खोजना) हूँ
किस तलाश में भटकता हूँ !
मै सागर की गहराईयो में
तो कभी आसमां की आताह परिसीमा मे भटच्कता हूँ !
मै मन हूँ , जाने क्यों भटकता हूँ !
किस की तलाश है या किसका इंतजार
नहीं जनता हूँ ,फिर भी भटकता हूँ !
कभी लड़ने को तैयार हूँ
तो कभी मरने को तैयार हूँ !
कभी मै आस्थिर हूँ
कभी स्थायी हूँ , मै मन हूँ !
कभी पंक्षी की स्वतंत्रता चाहता हूँ !
कभी पिंजरे की तन्हाई चाहता हूँ !
मै मन हूँ ! मै मन हूँ !!!!

copy right applied...dont copy..

Blessing In Disguise!!

2008-12-02T03:26:00.000-08:00

I read in my school, to be precise in class xth, how japan turned into a world leader in economy post world war 2 being a under developed pre world war. I was shocked to know that participating in wars has given a great boost to attain the pinnacle of its economy to japan, I wasn't able to take dat point directly to my conscience, how can a destructive event like war can be constructive for the economy of a country. But recently I googled on web about this fact and i came to term with this fact , i realized every war need huge infrastructure support for the country and it create huge employment ,this is how Japanese used there involvement in war against different countries on a longer span of time for there growth. Even the world war 2 helped the world to come out from " The great economy depression of 1930", it created huge employment to support the infrastructure requirement for the world war 2 and the countries used those infrastructure to boost there economy post war... Now point is that why the hell I am garnering these stories on my blog. At present India is facing terrorist attacks on regular basis. What this act of terrorism is doing, the latest attack on Mumbai has given a 278% hike to the TRPs of Indian News channel, Its helping the Indian electronic media to make instant mullah. Now if Indian gov have any true leader then he will surely launch an attack on Pakistan to cure our Country from this aching disease of terrorism, and it might involve india into a long war. For that India would required huge infrastructure, ammunition and who knows it might pump in huge donation for Indian defence research and can revive its ill reearch institutes. And it will boost Indian core industries as well as print and electronic media. And the best thing is that it will ,create huge employment, might take us out from current economic crisis and we might join the league of developed nations. I know that people who will read this post of mine will think that this lad has gone mad and he is completly out of thought, but i can't resist my self to pen down this weird thought of mine..Please forgive me!!

Its Time For Indian Hitler!!

2008-12-01T04:49:00.000-08:00

Hitler, this name has always facinated me.I dont know why but this man has always been a symbol of bravery and integrity for me, who stood for his country to establish the integrity and dignity which has been tarnished by UK and US allience.. People say he was a killer, a butcher , he killed people like rubbing an ant..Even I agree to this, but I don't agree fully to this. For me he fought to restore his pride against a world, which was one a rampage for there fiefdom..But he stood against the world, he inspired his people to reach the glory for his country, might be his style was wrong, he could have gone ,as we called Gandhi way. But what would have happend then they might have they or should have restored there integrity after say 20 or 30 yrs.. Now lets see what we have got by Gandhi way, we are the largest democracy in the world, we are still holding flag peace (in more chaotic way).. Its seems all foolish to me when I am writing these word of Gandhigiri. But fact is that we have been recently ranked among the 20 most dangerous places in the world to travel to, we are one of the worst affected country by terrorism in the world. We are garnering the pieces of death body left after the masscare by the few cynic who are invading our house like an welcomed guest. But what can we do after all we are living in a country whose father is prophet of peace and we are following his principle by offering more people to be killed by those fucking bunch of people.. And the irony of the situation is the government of the party,founded by our father of nation, is condeming the mumbai massacare "strongly". What else can be expected of them, to hell with this government.. Now we need some one who can answer the nation so called Pakistan in there own way. We need some one as ruthless as Hitler, to lead us to the glory, we dont need the peddlers who sell peace. We won't except this any more, we need Indian hitler, we badly need.....

To hell with Pakistan and Pakistanies...

Never Thought Of This Life!!!!

2008-11-28T02:47:00.000-08:00

Its been one and half month since i have last scribled into my blog, I don't know wat I was doing. I was not busy,not working, not playing, not doing any charity work, not reading, Then wat I was doing in last one and half month?? Where the hell I was rubbing my arse and wat for?? I am not able to answer to my self, Becoz I am ashamed and scared to answer my self. But to be honest I was roaming inside the conference room to cabin of India's fourth Largest IT Giant"Satyam" to find a chair to settle my arse, It was not me only there were many arses like mine looking to find a cushion for itself to settle down.. Meanwhile we all,who hv got a world class training, displayed a great team work by alternatelay sharing the few chair that we had for our service, by njoying a siesta on he floor, Don't take that i am blabbering and faking, Its true!!!.. But best part is we are paid 22000 for this every month.. Great price for my Siesta!!
Unfortunately none of us want to get paid like this. Its not wat we wanted to get paid for none of us.. After all we r not here to ruin our carrer for one man's "The chairman of the Company"dream. Its utterly frustrating when u think of a longer race for ur career , we r not taking our career anywhere we r not moving a inch forward rather recedding along the global economy...Worst part is that people r being laid off witout being explained a proper reason. I am not against the laid off but as we told to be upfront people need to be told wat is the exact reason of they being laid off..

The Music Of Silence

2008-10-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

It’s my wildest of imagination, I dreamt to feel d world with deafening ear. I know its strange but it’s my wildest of imagination and which I wish would never come true in my life. But as human being we always try to stride closet possible to our dream until we are defeated by d thought that we can't get it, I did tried to stride closet to my dream. In pursuit for silence I didn't blow my ear bones instead I conquered the noise of d fast moving world by d soothing music of songs. The music was not invading d silence n d serenity that I was into. I m not any sage who goes into silence n state of serenity for divine intervention, I was into silence to live the fast track life with flavor of silence. The shouting crowd around me suddenly seems in tranquility. I could see no uneasiness in people, what I guessed by fast oscillating lips of people didn’t give any clue what they are uttering, it didn’t give me any idea what the hell they are talking about and I was not able to cook any perception of their issue. This gave my mind an opportunity to rest, to avoid d unwanted gifts from the Pandora’s box which was inevitable for me to stop grabbing because of my excellent ability of making story with few words that I encounter everyday anywhere. My ear was on song with the tune of the song running in the iPod, my friends around me, as usual kept talking to me, but I was so engulfed by mine self imposed silence, I didn’t care what the hell they are talking and of what context, I wore disguising smile on my lips to avoid any ire of my friends..Sorry mates.
Whatever I call it, my wildest imagination, or cynic way of enjoying the life, I really enjoyed the music of silence. It was a unusual way to feel the life through a different angle and perspective, it made me talk to myself with me alone and my thoughts only, there was no pinch others conceived notion…. It was me and my serenity of silence…..

Tribute to "DADA"

2008-10-10T01:54:00.000-07:00

Finally the most awaited or should I say d end of the humiliation period for India's most successful captian has came to an end. Personally speaking I hate Ganguly d most..it was becoz of my uncle , who was a diehard fan of Ganguly, he rated ganguly above Sachin which was not acceptable for me..For me Sachin means God ,my role model n he means the world for me and dis comparison of Ganguly wid Sachin, invoked hatred in the core of my heart for Ganguly. So all dis year I condemed him for wat ever did..I criticised him like anything in front of any cricket discussinig crowd.
But its time to bid farewell to one of legend of cricket. We all will remember our own DADA for his never say aatitude, he stood against d tide, he fought back d situation where other just faded away..Dada backed his mates when their chips where down, he showed d world dat mighty Austraian are beatable, he answered d Australian in dere own language.
For me D best moment about dada, that i would remember is his courageous rebuffed to d englishman at lords gallry, his flying shirt...It was display of courage, confidence attitude...
As its told histroy repeat itself n once again BCCI humilated one of his legend.. The last 1 and half year for DADA is d most humiliating one, his self respect was torn apart .. he was in n out of d team even though he performed well.. Its shows d sadistic approach of BCCI.. DADA deserved a better farewell...
Whatever we will rember U "DADA"
I salute Dada for his contribution to Indian cricket...
Good luck Dada for ur future .....

One day of Charity"Leads to more lacerated expectation"

2008-10-06T05:13:00.000-07:00

One evening Someone called Nilopher,a satyamite, came to us asking to donate money and come along wid her to d orphanage...everyone felt d excitement of doing d charity...Den started d real blabbering...she was on..talking like anything about good thing associated wid charity..She was going gaga...n in between she told " I will make sure dat who r participating in d charity work will be appreciated". The last word "appreciation" shooked my soul...i felt d rage.. r we r going to do dis charity for appreciation..do i need appreciation by someone to involve myself into charity...Dis question shattered me..n in rage i almost had an argument wid her... Watever, i went dere wid my friends..I saw most of dem very excited to meet d dejected childs..who r suffering becoz of somebody's cosy n playful nights..But somewhere inside of me i was not comfortable wid all dis..becoz i knew, dis one day of our heartful charity wouldnt do much good but it will make dose child to expect d next day full of choclate and hugs n love.. But i knew d next day would be same as usual..no choclate no one to hug.....
Dere was few words, continously belling into my ears, of dose child wid whom i spent last six month of my college life, teaching dem sharing my time wid dem..But every day dey use to ask me d same question "Bhaiya aap kal aaoge na??" dey had only one expectation from me dat i will be dere wid dem everyday becoz of d life dey were living since dere birth of no love n life full of dejection , why becoz dey were child of prostitutes..becoz few of dem didnt knew who dere father n mother was..Dere were few girl in dat group who were raped by dere father itself..It was a shattering experience for me. In dose days i realy came to face how hard life can hit u..
When i left my colg every day i thought of dose guys.. d expectation dey had from me was not dere any more..dere expectation was once again lacerated.. It was usual for dem..every few month dey had someone coming n leaving dem , making dere lif more difficult by ventilating dere misarable life for few months n leaving dem more shattered n making dem believe dis is d life dat dey have to bear....dey r d special one chosen by d God...Rubbish....

The "Robot" In Us

2008-09-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

Our day starts with a quick bath, run for the d breakfast, run for d session, then lunch then again afternoon session, after d end of session if possible do somthing of our choice...If not den keep on talking all d nonsence den dinner den again d same gossiping...and den d best part dwell into divine experience of eachday, our sleep.. This wat we do eachday as if we have been programmed by some some..The software running our life satisfies all ISO, CMMI standard..The most effective Six sigma project has been performed on us...It runs as zero defect application... Some we get tired of dis but again the application is reinstalled.. It starts perfoming best performance throughput..
Dis automated mechanical life gives almost no time to live our life..Slowly but steadliy we ourself contributing to our automation...We need to come out of automated world...and as Venket Sir says no automated process is automatic it is automated by us only.. So we need revisit our soul to know what we realy want to be, what is the purpose of our life, What we are born for... We realy need to rejuvenate our mechanical routine...

Bus Stop!!!!

2008-09-29T05:43:00.000-07:00

After d tiring day of presentation it was time to get back to my secluded den STC...Watin for d bus on busy street of Hydrabad..In front of me all d racing machine,making all d noise,competing wid each other to beat d devil of d trafic. I wanted to escape from d noise...I sealed my ear, squeezed d ear phone into my ear to escape from d noise..D screaming of english rockstars seemed more soothing dan ever before...Now, In d silent peace I could see d flip side of d busy street, along wid those running machine,which i wish to own some day, there were tremblings legs of people who can't afford these spoiling life, D unequality was more prominent than ever before..ahhh.. But suddenly I saw a streching hand in front of d face of one of pepole watin for d bus..Few put d coin happily on his hand and few unshamingly, denying d humanity ,refused him a coin..It was my turn, as usual I seaerched my pocket n found a two rupee coin dancing in my pocket..and it jumed to d beggers hand wid d joy of his life, as if it has meet d salvation.. Me to felt d relief.. This time it was different, one more streching hand, but dis time humanity lost d battle to more of his beholder.. again i searched my pocket.. there was no one or two rupee coin, but I found a five rupee coin, but d entusiasm to jump onto d beggers hand was not there, it was more of a hidding n escaping, sudenly My mind stated knocking my head asking is'nt five rupee is too much to donate, five rupees ..ohh fight of my mind and heart become very intense. Meanwhile my heart played a recap of my two month ,n before dat, old past, my life before joinig,in front me, I thought how papa would have felt to lend money on interest every time i need to pay my semester fee, how he would have felt to send me a packet of 3000 every month which counts almost one third of his salary, how mamma n papa would have felt when dey denied a bicycle to me each year when I did all to persuade dem for it..how i felt when denied..how it hurts me when i left my cricket becoz i can't afford a bat every two months... It was realy scaring, i was scared of my self.. i gave d five rupee coin to d begger n breathe d air... But life mange more, a old lady wraped in a 2 meter transparent cloth, i dont have words to name dat piece of cloth, I again looked into my pocket found a ten rupee note n without a blink of second i gave it her. Surprisingly every object seems laughing at me, screaming at me making fun of...asking how much u have in ur pocket, to how many u will be able to give, how long ur selfishness will allow u to be so generous...I was suffocating under d situation, wanted to run away, run away from everything.. n my bus was in front me, asking me come along as if it will take to my peace.. n I didn't wait for second jumed onto d bus..

But how far can go?? How far can I run??? i don't know. I m helpless!!!
Plz help me!!!

Pleasent Murmuring!!!

2008-09-25T20:48:00.000-07:00

Me taking a dip into the waterpool Of STC with others around..Few swimming well..few strugling to stay afloat ,tapping there leg in d water and beating d water as hard as dey can.. as a novice i was doing ok under the guidence of Suresh...kudos.. Suddenly a murmuring wave danced in every corner of d pool... D sudden warmeness of d water become more soothing...Every swimmer felt d energy and vibe in there leg... ohhh..suddenly everyone swimmed to towards one half of the pool...I was confused, but more happy as i was njoying d least crowded half for my unusal satatic and acrobatic swimming..,(hey dont laugh i would get my experties very soon in d pool)..Ohh god.. the answer for my curious confusion was very beautiful.. the induced energy ,inside pumping body of all the swimmer competing in d 10 meter olympic event in the pool, was churning out from the flexing musceles of two swimming beauty in the pool.
The sudden enthusiasm in creaping legs, the transition from local swimmer to Michial Phelps was amazing to watch....Boys will be Boys no matter in college or in corporate... "hum Kya Nachaniya hai" Dis was a comment by a friend of mine when she had unwanted staring n complimenting eyes on her, every evening during their dance practice session.. So this is we the "Boys" n let me make it very clear I am not different from d lot...But a more Gentle one :-) :-)

My first free flight

2008-09-24T05:05:00.000-07:00

Its long since i was searching for space to write...But unknowingly whenever i took d pen it was running away from me, Actualy it was my fear dat wat if my nuisance got caught or heared..i would be screwed by my friends and mostly by cousins cum legpullers...oh god dis thougt terrified me... Na!! i was not brave enough...ufff... Finaly on my birthday nite when i got biggest rejection from my only friend who was a girl... i gathered all my courage to write..i poured my heart into my diary....oh dat nite....i roamed around the house for a place to treasure my scrible....But, again, i surrender to ghost,who was scaring me from d moment i squeezed d pen between my fingers, i teared d page like dere was nothin written in diary....ohh.. i breathe the relaxed air...
Thanx to Ashwini.. I found a place and courage to write.. It is great feeling to give words to ur thougts.. i felt like a free bird ,sailing and dancing in the sky, celebrating his freedom from exile......ohh i wish someday i fly to the infinty!!!!

My Love!!!

2008-09-23T03:30:00.000-07:00

It was best days of life enjoying, traveling spending all d time dat i could with her. And best moment where those which i spent with her hiding from Papa. It was really facinating and inpiring as i engaged more of me with her, Dont misunderstand me it was cricket nothing else. Realy dere is no better experience in life dan playing a sport with full commitment. the moment came when got d captainsip of our team and when i played for d district. But flip side of d coin struck me and i had to fall on d ground screaming when i waz asked to quit for d reason dats haunts each one of us at some point of time. And it was not different for me i had to quit for studies, to have secure feature. I wasn't even asked whether i want it or not but i had to..I dont blame anyone in particular it was as awhole neglegence of society towards sports, dat scrolled me down and made me one of d dejected lot. Whose mistake is dis society, should d society only takes d onus or sports fraternity has a big role to play in dis. I think both r equally resposible for dis.. and in way d corruption and biased approach of the sports fraternity towards a region, religion or it is d corporate money which is dominating the psyhe of of d fraternity.. Whatever and whoever it is we as whole r suffering and its even disturbing when u see a country of 100 crores going gaga after wining a medal in d olympic.. forget dis d worst moment came when 5 time goldmedalist country in hockey failed to qualfy for d olympics.. It is our attitude too which plays a big part we spent more on celebrating d smallest achivement of ours rather dan stepping for d bigger goal.. it is nothing but a lack of vision...Now we need to take onusship to change our attitude...

senior leader speaks out fooling whom us or themselves

2008-09-23T02:42:00.000-07:00

Its Managable dis waz d buzz word of yesterdays webnair.... Who dey r trying to fool by using dese consoling words.. They r saying dat downfall of worlds one of biggest investment firms wont affect Satyam... I dont know but how sustalable satyam's finance is measured by d cheap cost cutting method adapted by d company..cuting cab facilites... firing people wid noncence reason even without reason. Its ok to be profesional and adapting amarican method of recruting people and firing them in crisis situations...But I would request satyam "by some reason me being part of dis organization" 2 learn to respect dere employees in amarican way irrespective of dere designation specially ELTPS like us..
Enough of satyam way lets talk about Satyam claiming dat dey would be least affected by dis depression of US economy. Dis depression is of d measure of great depression of 1930s. Still US accounts for d quater of d worlds GDP. Lehman Brother has invested nearly $700 million in Unitech Only. This depression in US economy has slowed down six core infrastructure industry, dere growth rate sliped to 4.3% from 7.2% a year ago. All d banking company of india is affected by US economy and dey r d measure clients of satyam. Still i m wondering how its so easily managable by satyam. As dey say dere 60% revenue is US dependent and major part of dis comes from banking sector... So I would request our leader not make fool of US in dere manipulated seminars like Webnair...