Saturday, October 24, 2009

confused , with no answer!!!



Confused.... Don't know what to do... Its been almost 5 months since I have resigned. Doing nothing. Solving CAT materials, what ever around my reach, improved a lot in quant and DI sections able to solve d questions at good speed, supposedly and conceived English is my forte conclusion drawn from my high percentiles scores in English from last two CAT,but MOCKS are not translating my preparation into percentile, actually after answering few question it seems purposeless to answer and sit for the paper for two more hours. Actually they have never been good for me, whether I scored 79 or 90 percentile in d last two CAT that I have given, mocks result are no where close to what I have scored in last CAT.... Confused me!! I don't know why I am penning down this crap for what reason!1 ... This is the only possibility seems ahead of me to earn some time for my puzzled soul... to give myself some time... Frankly speaking don't know what I want, a free life I suppose with no boundaries and no eyes of expectation..... MBA two years of classroom... bit hectic.. but nothing seems a possibility except doing an MBA from a coll, selected ones (Two coll I want to be IIM A or IIM C (bit to much to expect) ) as don't want to repeat NIT jsr experience in my life.


Every now and then my adrenaline goes berserk and I log in into naukri.com to look for a job, I see a opening or a walking, but again confused whether to go for it or not... In between I got few calls, I said no to IBM, a Dubai based Insurance company, a bank job in Kolkata. And three have rejected me one Law firm, (looking for an technicaly sound electronics engineer, ohh engineering and me poles apart), Bharti AXA life Insurence coz I am not 25 years OLD (POOR ME!!), just two days ago naukri .com has rejected me, I went for the interview they gave me an apti paper I answered all the question thanks to my preparation for CAT I was able to answer, then a technical paper, answered almost 90 % question correctly. I thought I would get that job today. Then the interview round started, instead of the HR coming herself she asked another guy, would be 3 to 4 yrs senior to me. He questioning me after the usual greeting, that guy was full of ego, typical engineers, he asked me few questions, why I resigned... I told him my reasons.. he gave me a disdain look, as if I was hiding that I am fired. It completely turned me off, it was around 3:00 pm and I didn't had a any food till then, the empty stomach and his egoistic look fueled the egoist in me... He asked me few more easy question which I tried to answer, but before I could even get going he starting interrupting me by saying "Think before you speak" as if He was sitting with a road side ricksawala and teaching him how to answer.. How long I could have tolerated this, finllay the ball roll into my court. He asked for the solution of a puzzle which I have answered in the written test, I explained him the solution which completely differ from the usual way of answering the question,a conventional method known to the interviewer. He told me why the hell you are putting so much of fundas into this simple question. What happened next shooked him completely, I answered him in his own tone and told him bluntly, I haven't mugged up all this answer and I answered what seems to me the solution , and my mind does not work as yours. He didn't expected this answer from me, I knew by then that I have lost the job, he asked few question about testing and oracle which I didn't know or I knew some what but felt better to be silent and let him ripped my ass off!! On the way back I regretted to lose the job.. wished I would have answered him peacefully or at least should have let him enjoy his ego of excellence over me... But I am an Idiot who don't know what he is upto...


Really confused and puzzled soul.. I want to go home and stay with my parents... But I can't go because of some reasons and because I can't look into their eyes full of expectation, because of the sadistic society which will label me as an failure and the pain that it will inflict to my parent's soul... i simply don't know... what to do??? Finally today I have applied for a sarkari job, against all my wishes, in the hope that I can go to kolkata with a well paid job in a hand.. But I am not sure whether I will sit for the exam or not, the question of succeeding comes next... With one good thought I am on cloud 9,, my mind and soul start drawing plans for my own venture, what ever it may be, suddenly new hopes instill new energy...


This vicious cycle keeps coming and adding to the woes...


My todays orkut tagline says.." Is there an answer for the question"life"?.. I am seeking an answer... Please do help me..

16 comments:

Nishit said...

Poor fellow!!!
See it's you and only you who have to decide your career path. We at times choose a path against our wishes and later understand that we are not fit for this work and feel like a loser. Just remember whatever you do in life hv the guts to bear the consequences as well. What i would advise you is that remove the confusion from your mind and build a clear picture abt wht u want from life? I mean just prioritize various aspects of your life and then you will find your way out of this puzzle....

Tarun Goel said...

Dar Ankesh, The very best of your writing is this, by far. I loved it,(CAT English is really helping man, quite evident here) :)

Coming to the main point, whenever I feel dejected, I say only one thing to me, I am just 24! :D

I know that is not the solution, but nevermind you will find the way. Suggestions can never be given when it is related to Life, ways are and have to be found by the one who is living and believe me "You Are".

So never mind the darkness, 'we' still can find a way :)

Tarun Goel said...

Keep Running! mate and read this if you have not :
Bhagat SIngh

Ankesh at Talk said...

@ Tarun,
Ya, I have read Bhagat Sing "The Atheist", and reading every now and then. actually reading is helping to keep me calm. Venkat Story from Stay Hungry Stay foolish is panacea for me and Tagore's book are best to read. This planning to by another book of Tagore. Love reading Tagore. he puts the world in his books and you are reacher by gallons of knowledge..
And one more thing.. I am only 22 now... I have two more years... cheers.. :-)

Tarun Goel said...

Great, reading helps and it has helped me every now and then. Are you telling me that I am old??? :P :D

Make sure that you do what you want, barbaaadi is inevitable, naukri waale bhi barbaad hote hain aur berjgaar bhi, why not on your own terms.
Agar tum naukri mein hi rehte to tumhein bhi laat padti, so stay happy that you walked out :)

Bunty said...

u wont believe it but i can relate to u quite a bit...not in absolute terms...as i dun have the added pressure of this fuckin judging society...but the fuckin confusion...the fuckin aimlessness...the lakshya that has eluded me till nw...m doin a fuckin mba...i dun know y...n quite frankly i dun know hw...may b by some strange fuckin twist of fate...n u know wot i dun know why the fuck im writing dis as well...or wots the fuckin matter m i swearing this much!!!

jus hang in der...lifez a slutty bitch...sometimes u just have to let go...and let the fuckin flow take u whr-the-fuck-ever dus it want to...

lakshaya milega ek din...ummeed hai magar!

Tarun Goel said...

well well :-|

Dear Ankesh, if you will listen to me once then read Fountainhead :)

ANKESH said...

@ tarun
Ya wanted to read dat book, will buy it soon and read..

Nishit said...

@ankesh
Tarun has been hired by Penguin Publishers for promoting their books so he's advising everyone to read "FOUNTAINHEAD"......

Tarun Goel said...

@Nishit-Fuck off you ass hole :D

Nishit said...

@ Tarun
HAHAHAHA hey brother refrain from using DUCK words publicly. If you want to use it then do it on your own blog.....enjoy enjoy

indra said...

well a true outcome of feeling but still in this world we have to compromise sometime to move smoothly in later phases one can compansate easily.....
CAT dilema is with another 3 lacs more, thank god finally Govt. approves more in picture in INDIA as well as abroad so one fine day one can easily tune inside...if he is still running the race till he won.................

Ankesh at Talk said...

@ Indira
Ya u r rite we hv to compromise in dis world to have smooth run in d later phase.. And I was compromising for last 15 to 16 yrs of life doing d supposed rite thing but the elusive later phase has kept postponing itself.. Dats y I dont no how long to compromise...

Indra said...

well time & span no body knows ......but one should have flexile Idealogy keep changing with situations otherwise everyone will be like Mahatma Gandhi that will recquire much more sacrifice than the gain ...that is not as per mango people timeline for dreams transformation into reality...

Kiran said...

अरे उस naukri.com वाले को अच्छेसे झाडके आना था. उसे उसकी औकात दिखानी थी .
Nevermind, I can understand your dilemma. Perhaps the timing of your resignation was bad.
All the best buddy!

Ankesh at Talk said...

ha dost maan to kiya tha sale ko ache se gali de lekin phir pata nahi kyu.. chup baeta raha sayad ye soch ke ki kuch acha ho sakta hai...